


Tempo, Beat, Break

by AlexIsOkay



Series: "Tempo, Beat, Break" Universe Fics [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexIsOkay/pseuds/AlexIsOkay
Summary: Years after Aqours disbands, You Watanabe makes the impulsive decision to sign up for dance lessons. She's hardly expecting to end up in the same class as one of her heroes, and she soon discovers that dating in her twenties isn't as simple as the carefree teenage crushes of her youth.





	1. Chapter 1

You Watanabe yawned as she sat up in her bed, stretching her arms out over her head. She pushed her shoulders back until she could feel them cracking into place, then rolled her head to each side to crack her neck as well. A few twists at the waist stretched her spine out in either direction, causing a few final pops before she swung her feet over the edge of her bed, letting them hit the floor. It was barely even six in the morning, and during the winter it would still be dark at this hour. But now, in early fall, she could still see sun peeking in through the cracks in her blinds. She could hear noises coming from outside as well; apparently, no matter how early she woke up, the rest of Tokyo would still wake up earlier.

You’s mouth was dry, and while she wouldn’t say she was hungover, she was definitely feeling the lingering after effects of drinking a bit the night before. The rest of her morning routine could be put on hold, because right now, her biggest concern was rehydrating. She shuffled her feet across the wooden floor and stepped out into the central area of her (admittedly very tiny) apartment, heading straight for the fridge that was crammed into the corner. She yanked the door open and crouched down to peer inside, relieved to see there was still half a carton of orange juice sitting on the top shelf, right next to half a case of beer. She was quick to grab the juice and let the door swing shut again, screwing off the cap to start chugging directly from the container.

It didn’t take long to knock back everything that was left, and after just a few seconds You was standing there in her kitchen with an empty carton in hand. She reached up to wipe her mouth clean, though as she did so her eyes were drawn back to the door of her fridge, and to the decorations that covered it. Much like a proud grandparent her fridge was covered in photos, though rather than grandchildren and extended family You instead showcased pictures of her friends. Up near the top there was Dia and Kanan’s wedding photo from a few years prior, and beside that there was a much more recent photo of Dia cradling their newly adopted daughter while Kanan peered down alongside her. Further down there was the joint Christmas card Yoshiko and Hanamaru had sent out last year, showing off a couple that was young and in love even if they weren’t in quite as deep as their old senpai were. Opposite that were a few photos of Ruby and Mari in front of various landmarks, taken as they galavanted around the world in Mari’s quest to spoil her girlfriend in every country on Earth. And, in the most recent addition to the collage, there was the save the date for Chika and Riko’s wedding, showing off the happy couple walking hand in hand on the familiar beach of Uchiura.

And then there was You, standing there in her apartment, all by herself.

She was the only one to have left Uchiura. Dia and Kanan still lived there. Yoshiko and Hanamaru still lived there. Chika and Riko still lived there. Even Mari and Ruby still lived there, when they weren’t off in some remote corner of the world. But when she was the only one who wasn’t blissfully in love, when she was the only one who wasn’t settling down and making a home or starting a family, it hurt too much to stay there and be constantly surrounded by the people who were. You could still remember the first moment she had realized she needed to get out of Uchiura: sitting on the end of the dock with Chika like they had so many times before, feet dangling down into the water, watching the sunset, listening to her best friend talk about her relationship. And then Chika had looked out over the ocean and said “Someday, I’m going to marry her,” and You had realized there was nothing left for her there.

Tokyo was treating her well enough anyway. She missed her friends, sure, but it wasn’t like they were that far away. She could still travel back to Uchiura when she wanted to see them, and they still kept in contact. All her experience working on her dad’s boat in the past had proved useful, and she managed to find a job working as a crew member on a boat that did daily tours around Tokyo Bay. She constantly got to meet new people and chat with tourists, and working in a job that let her move around and be active was far preferable to any job that would leave her stuck behind a desk all day. She still hadn’t made any great friends since moving to the city, and that was a little bit of a bummer, but she got along well enough with all her coworkers, and occasionally they would go out and do something together after their shifts ended. It wasn’t a perfect life, but it was enough to leave her mostly happy. And it had helped that, more recently, she’d been given something extra to look forward to.

Mixed in with all the photos of her friends, there was one item that looked like it didn’t quite belong: an advertisement, cut out of a newspaper, reading “Ballroom Dance Lessons! Start September 8th, 7:00 pm,” followed by a phone number and a website. It had been a long time since You had last danced- since her last performance with Aqours, to be specific- and she hadn’t really planned for it to be a hobby she revisited. She had stumbled across the ad by complete chance, and at first she hadn’t paid any attention to it at all, simply flipping past it to continue reading. However, for some reason, the idea had taken root in her mind, and she found herself thinking back to it over and over again. She knew ballroom dancing was very different than the sort of dance she’d done with Aqours, and she also knew that going into a class full of strangers wouldn’t be nearly the same as her old practice sessions alongside all her friends. But for some reason she still wasn’t able to get the idea out of her head and, after a few days of deliberation and wavering back and forth, she ended up calling the number.

You’s most pressing concern was that she would be going in without a partner, but the woman she’d spoken to on the phone assured her that wasn’t going to be an issue. They’d already had a number of people sign up by themselves, she’d said, and they would be happy to pair the singles up with each other. The thought of being paired up with a random partner like that was a little nerve wracking, but maybe it was a bit exciting too! You had always been telling herself she needed to start meeting more people, after all, and this was the perfect chance for that. So, with no other excuse not to, she had ended up taking the plunge and signing up for the lessons. Tonight, those lessons finally started.

Of course, excited as she was, You also realized she was getting ahead of herself. She still had an entire day of work to get through before the lessons actually began that evening, and given that she hadn’t even showered yet that probably needed to be her priority. With a small sigh she crumpled up the now empty juice container, tossing it into the trash bin beside the counter. From there she turned towards the bathroom,  slapping her hands against her cheeks and taking a deep breath before letting out a loud “Yousoro!” It was time to start the day.

* * *

The day felt like it had dragged. Maybe it was the fact that, with something to look forward to in the evening, You had spent the entirety of her shift counting away the minutes, or maybe it was the fact that they were getting into the part of the year where tourism started to dwindle resulting in a very uneventful day, but whatever the reason she was all too quick to hop off the boat and start booking it back towards her apartment the moment work was over. With the class not starting until seven pm, she had a little bit of time before she needed to head towards the studio where it was being held. Enough time to get home, change into more comfortable clothing, and throw down a light meal (nothing large enough that it would feel heavy in her stomach while she was trying to dance, though. She’d learned that lesson years ago).

While You was at work she had to wear a standard crew uniform, involving a knee-length skirt and a button up shirt, but for obvious reasons she didn’t want to wear that to the lessons. The phrase “ballroom dance” also brought to mind images of sleek suits and elegant dresses, and as much as that part of You’s brain that had never gotten over her costuming obsession wanted to take this opportunity to go all out, she had a feeling a group of first timers weren’t going to be dressing up too fancy when they hadn’t even learned basic steps yet. In the end she settled for function over style, picking out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that were reminiscent of the outfit she’d used during Aqours’ practices so many times in high school. And then, with her outfit selected and her hunger sated, You headed off to the studio.

It took about fifteen minutes to walk there from her apartment, and another five after that of blindly stumbling around, trying to find the specific spot she was actually looking for. It was up on the second floor of a building, it turned out, and the entrance was stealthily set back in such a way that it was much harder to spot than the entrances to the businesses that were down at ground level. Beyond the door was a narrow, steep staircase, one which creaked underneath You’s every step on the way up. There was another door at the top, though the name printed across the front told her she was in the right place, and as she opened the door she had that reaffirmed: she was most definitely in a dance studio.

It had been a while since she’d been in a place like this, but the wide open hardwood floors, the mirrors all over the walls, the plastic chairs set up in a line around the edge of the room, it all felt pleasantly familiar to her. There were already quite a few people gathered sitting in the chairs or on the floor, though many of them seemed to have come in pairs, and even the ones who didn’t still didn’t look like they were being especially social. Tempting as it was to try to make new friends right off the bat, You felt it might be better to wait for the instructor to break the ice for them, so instead she elected to take a seat on the floor near the edge of the room, simply waiting for the lesson proper to begin.

While she sat there You had time to look over the other people that had shown up to the class, and as she did so she couldn’t help but notice that she appeared to be the youngest person there. Only 23 herself, there were decades between You and some of the oldest members of the group, presumably married couples who were looking for something new and exciting to do together, and even the younger students still looked like they were probably somewhere in their thirties. Out of everyone gathered there was only one other person who looked like she was within ten years of You’s own age: she was a woman, looking to be in her late twenties perhaps, sitting cross-legged on the floor a few spots away. She had long blonde hair that reminded You of Mari’s, pulled back into a loose ponytail, and she was dressed in leggings and a dark flannel, with the sleeves rolled part way up her forearms. For some reason she looked familiar, though You couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was that stood out to her. Maybe she was just being gay.

“Alright! I think everyone is gathered here, so let’s begin!” You’s attention was stolen away from the women she had been, admittedly, kind of staring at by a voice at the front of the room, and as she looked forward she found the woman she presumed to be the instructor standing there. She looked like she was in her late thirties, maybe early forties, though she was clearly still very in shape (she probably had to be, to teach a class like this). “Now, I want to start out with a small poll,” the woman went on. “How many of you here have done any sort of dance before?” A number of hands went up, including You’s own- and, she noticed, including the woman she’d been staring at before as well. “Excellent!” the instructor said, clapping her hands together. “But for those of you who haven’t, don’t worry about that either! We’ll all be learning at our own speeds here, so there’s no trouble if you’re starting from a little bit behind. Another question: how many of you are here by yourself, without a partner?” Once again You’s hand went up, though she was just a bit more hesitant this time, slightly embarrassed to admit she’d come here alone. But once again, she also noticed the blonde woman’s hand go up as well.

“Great!” the instructor continued. “It looks like we’ve got an even number, so that works out perfectly. So why don’t we have you and you pair up,” she said, pointing towards two individuals at the other end of the group, “you two pair up, and… The two of you,” she finished, pointing towards the blonde woman, and then towards You. You couldn’t help but feel a little rush of excitement when she heard that- she knew she was being dumb for harboring a tiny crush on a woman she’d only first laid eyes on thirty seconds ago and still knew nothing about, but what could she say? She was weak.

“Now, why don’t we all stand up and find a space on the floor, and take a minute to introduce yourself to your partner if you don’t know them already!” the instructor said. As she did You locked eyes with her new partner for the first time, and as the woman offered a polite smile from across the small distance between them You was once again struck with the feeling that she looked _familiar_ somehow. She still couldn’t manage to place it, though, and she wrote it off as nothing, figuring the woman just had one of those faces. Instead of dwelling on it further she jumped up to her feet, walking over to introduce herself.

“Hey!” she said, flashing a wide grin as she approached, while the other woman was still lifting herself off the floor. As she stood up You realized the woman was taller than her- not by a tremendous amount, but at least enough for it to be noticeable. “Pleased to meet you! You Watanabe.”

“The pleasure is mine,” the woman replied. “Eli Ayase.” And at that point, You’s heart skipped a few too many beats.

You _knew_ the woman had looked familiar somehow, even though she hadn’t been able to place it. But now that Eli had said her name, there was no doubt left in You’s mind: this really was _the_ Eli Ayase. It had been nearly a decade since she had been in the spotlight, and she had obviously aged a fair bit during that time. Between that and the fact that You had been seeing her in a natural environment, free from idol costumes or stage lighting, or the carefully photographed angles of posters and other merchandise, she hadn’t immediately recognized Eli for who she was. But now that You knew who she was standing in front of it, it was proving pretty damn hard for her not to freak out.

“You- You’re-” she started to stammer, only for Eli to cut her off with a small bit of laughter.

“I am,” she replied. “And I recognize you as well, Watanabe-san. It’s really a small world, isn’t it?” At that point, fighting back her fangirl impulses was even harder. It was one thing to realize she was standing in front of Eli Ayase, but to realize Eli actually knew who she was as well? You wanted to scream.

“I’m really flattered to hear that!” she said, nearly bowing in deference before some rational part of her brain took over and told her not to do that. The last thing she wanted was to come off as an annoying fan. “Ah- S-Sorry,” she stuttered, forcing herself to stay up straight. “You probably get this all the time, don’t you?”

“Actually,” Eli replied, “it’s been a while. I don’t get recognized very often anymore. But… We’re supposed to be partners here, right? So for the sake of this class don’t go thinking I’m any more important than you are,” she said, wagging a finger at You. If You had been Dia the thought of getting scolded by Eli Ayase probably would have been nothing short of orgasmic, though even as it was she still found herself struggling to maintain her composure.

“Right! Just normal dance partners,” she agreed, giving Eli a grin and a thumbs up. That was probably going to be easier said than done, but she could at least try to keep the starstruck awe she was feeling in check.

“Okay!” the instructor called from the front of the room, and both You and Eli looked towards her. “Has everyone gotten a chance to introduce themselves? Great! Since we don’t have a lot of time I’d like to dive right in, so let’s start with something simple: the box step! This is one of the most basic steps in a lot of ballroom dancing,” she explained. “Some of you might already know this, so if you do just bear with me while we get everyone else up to speed!” From there she called another random member of their class up to help her demonstrate, slowly going through the step so everyone had a chance to observe. After showing and explaining the technique a few times over she turned back to the rest of the class, telling everyone to try it with their partner. As You looked back at Eli she found Eli already extending her hands out towards her, and You had another moment of internal gay screaming before she reached out in response, taking one of Eli’s hands and placing the other against her shoulder.

“It’s been a while since I’ve actually done any sort of dancing” Eli warned her, “so don’t blame me if I’m bad at it.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t done this since high school either,” You promised her. “I probably won’t be any better.” Plus, You was still having to fight to keep her wits about her. In that regard, Eli was probably actually at an advantage.

You looked into Eli’s eyes just as they were about to begin and, as the instructor began to call out and keep time from the front of the room, the two of them began to go through the basic motions. You had been worried about tripping over her own feet, or those of her partner, but she was actually surprised to find just how quickly this all came back to her. Even if she wasn’t familiar with the precise maneuver they were doing, the concept of moving her body in time to music was, apparently, something that she hadn’t completely forgotten, no matter how long it had been. It seemed like Eli was having a similar reaction as well; while You had never thought for a moment that Eli would be anything shy of incredible, the aspersions Eli had cast on her own talents seemed to have been for nothing. She was moving gracefully enough that she could have claimed she’d taken ballroom dance lessons before and You would have believed her, and from the look on her face she almost seemed to be surprised by how readily this was all coming back to her.

“I guess it never really goes away, does it?” You said.

“No, I guess it doesn’t,” Eli agreed. “Funny, isn’t it?”

“You sure you haven’t kept up with dance at all since your idol days?” You asked. “You could’ve had me fooled.” The question had felt, at least to You, innocent enough, and she hadn’t anticipated the response she ended up getting. The smile Eli had been wearing up until that point faltered, and suddenly she was breaking eye contact, staring off over You’s shoulder instead. It took a few seconds for her to respond, and when she did her voice was quieter.

“It’s been quite a while,” she ended up saying, and she didn’t seem to care to elaborate past that. It struck You as odd, though also as the sort of odd that she absolutely shouldn’t try to pry further into. She fell silent as well, and for the next minute or so the two of them continued on like that, simply going through the motions without a word exchanged between them: forward, right, back, left, forward, right, back, left, over and over until their instructor appeared beside them.

“It looks like you’ve got this step down pretty well,” she said, “but you have to be aware of your posture as well. You’re slouching over,” she pointed out, coming up behind Eli to place one hand on her back and another on her shoulder. “See how your shoulders are slumped and your back is bent? The moves will feel more natural and look more impressive if you fix that. Like this,” she instructed, pushing lightly against Eli to guide her spine into a more rigid posture. “Doesn’t that feel better?”

“Yes, it does,” Eli replied, keeping her head level and looking straight forward. “Thank you.”

“Your posture’s looking pretty good!” the instructor went on, looking towards You next. “Keep it up!” And then, with a thumbs up, she dismissed herself and moved off towards the next pair. Once she was gone Eli looked back towards You, and You was relieved to see a smile returning to her face.

“You didn’t get chewed out,” she said. “It seems like you’re doing better than me. Maybe I’m the one who should be looking up to you.”

“Hey,” You chuckled back. “I thought you said we weren’t gonna talk about that.”

“You’re right,” Eli agreed. “I did.”

* * *

The rest of the hour allotted for the class passed on without too much of note happening, and it was all dedicated to continuing to learn a handful of basic steps that would, theoretically, build into something else later on. As they continued to practice You could tell she was still a bit rusty after not dancing for so long, but she was still repeatedly surprised to discover just how much of the muscle memory still seemed to be there. Steps she would have thought would take at least a couple of minutes to get down started to feel familiar after only a few iterations, and it was all too easy to let herself settle into a rhythm she had thought she had long since forgotten.

The part that felt the strangest to her was probably the fact that she was now dancing with a partner. In Aqours she had been part of a group, and making sure she was moving in time with everyone else and matching their tempo had always been something she’d needed to focus on. But back then, dancing as a nine member unit, it was rare that she was actually right up against someone else for more than a second or two at a time. When it was just her and Eli, and when they were standing only a few inches apart with their arms intertwined, it was much easier to notice any little discrepancy in their motions or their timing. They had at least managed to avoid the worst of it, and the evening had been free from stomping on each other’s feet, but more than once You had caught herself starting to fall out of sync with Eli’s own steps, and had ended up having to scramble to get herself back on the same pace. Of course, it was rarely possible for her to actually catch back up like that, so more often than not falling out of time resulted in them stopping completely and starting back up from scratch.

“Great work today everyone!” the instructor called out as the hour came to a close. “I hope to see you all back here next week! And feel free to practice at home if you’ll be around your partner!” The class began to disperse after that, some people lingering around to gather up belongings while others headed straight for the door. Eli looked towards You after their instructor was done speaking, still wearing that same polite smile that You was starting to get quite used to by now.

“This was fun,” she said. “I’ll see you next week?”

“Yeah! I’ll be looking forward to it!” You replied.

“Likewise.” Eli moved like she was about to go gather her bag after that, but before she actually had the chance to go anywhere one slightly impulsive thought finally got the better of You.

“Wait!” she called out, causing Eli to look back towards her. “I- I know I said I wasn’t gonna fangirl all over you, but… Do you think we could take one quick picture together? All my old friends would probably freak if they saw I’d met you.” A brief silence followed the question, and in that time You suddenly worried that she had just overstepped boundaries, done something that would ensure she wasn’t dancing with Eli come next week. But, as the smile on Eli’s face stretched a little wider, she was reassured that wasn’t the case.

“Alright,” Eli said, stepping back closer to You. “But only if I can get a picture with you as well. I think some of my friends might be just as interested in seeing that.”

“Deal!” You agreed, trying to mask just how giddy that sentence had made her. As Eli stepped next to her You fished out her phone, opening up the camera and holding it in front of them.

“Ready?” she asked, raising her hand to her forehead in her signature salute.

“Ready,” Eli replied, crouching down ever so slightly to bring herself closer to You’s height as she smiled for the camera.

“Cheese!” With that You snapped the photo, looking over the result for a moment after she’d taken it before nodding in approval. “Do you wanna take one now?”

“Just send that one to me,” Eli replied. “I’ll put my number in.” You’s heart skipped another beat as she realized _she was about to get Eli Ayase’s fucking phone number_ , and she went dead silent as she handed her phone over. Eli tapped for a few seconds, entering her number and sending off the image before handing the phone back. “There,” she said with a smile. “Thank you.”

“Thank _you_!” You replied. “I can’t wait to rub this in everyone’s faces. See you next week!” With a laugh, Eli nodded in agreement.

“See you next week.” With that the two of them finally parted ways, Eli going over to pick up her bag while You, who hadn’t brought anything else with her, simply headed out the door, down the steps, and back outside. As she stepped onto the street she realized how cold the air had gotten while she’d been inside, made worse by the fact that she’d worked up a bit of a sweat while they had been dancing, and she made a mental note to bring a sweatshirt with her next time. Right now, though, there was something far more important on her mind. Digging her phone back out of her pocket she navigated to her contacts and, while she would send the picture to everyone in due time, there was one person in particular she wanted to flaunt it in front of first. She started a new message, attached the photo, added on the caption “Had a fun time at dance class today!” and sent it off. And, not thirty seconds later, her phone started to explode with messages from one miss Dia Kurosawa.

“WHAT”

“WHERE”

“HOW”

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF”

“YOU WATANABE YOU ANSWER ME THIS INSTANT”

“SO HELP ME GOD I WILL COME TO TOKYO AND PRY AN ANSWER OUT OF YOU WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS” And then, a few seconds later, a message from Kanan popped up as well.

“thanks for reminding my wife I’ll never be the woman she wants me to be”

“sorry,” You sent back, laughing to herself as she typed out the message. “if she leaves you you’re welcome to crash on my couch”

“if she leaves me I’m gold digging her entire family manor in alimony but I appreciate the offer. but for now I’ve gotta calm her down before her screaming wakes up the baby. later”

“lol good luck, later,” You replied, followed by a string of laughing emojis. And then she put her phone away and continued the walk back to her apartment, alone.


	2. Chapter 2

It was already somewhat late by the time You got back to her apartment, and she knew that with another day of work ahead of her she should probably be getting to sleep soon enough. Still, as she walked through the front door and kicked her sneakers off next to the mat, there was one thing she wanted to do first.

Well, two things actually. The first was to get some more food, since she had only eaten a small dinner earlier and had worked up a bit of an appetite in class. She rummaged around in her fridge for a few seconds before finding some leftovers tucked away, and she took those over to the microwave to heat them up. Once she had a suitably hot container of rice and assorted vegetables, though, she went over to the armchair sitting in the corner of her room, flopping down into it and sinking into the worn out cushions. And then, as she started to eat, she dug out her phone and made a call.

Her phone rang once, twice, three times, and for a minute You was worried that it might be too late to actually get an answer. Eventually, though, she heard the ringing stop, and then she heard a voice on the other end.

“You-chan?”

“Chika-chan!” You replied. “You’ll never guess what happened to me tonight!”

“You met Eli Ayase!”

“Aww, Dia-san already told you?” You huffed. She had been looking forward to hearing Chika’s shock when she dropped that big reveal, and she was a little disappointed she wouldn’t get to have that moment. Still, there was obvious excitement in her friend’s voice, and at least she would get the chance to share the full story, complete with all the details Dia hadn’t been able to spoil.

“She did!” Chika replied. “She forwarded the photo to everyone and she was freaking out about it. You’ve gotta tell me everything! What happened?? How did you meet her?? What was she like??”

“She was really nice!” You said. “She’s actually my partner at-”

“ _ Partner _ ??” she heard Chika gasp. “Like-”

“Dance partner,” You finished, before Chika had the chance to finish her own sentence. “I signed up for a dance class.”

“Really?? That’s so cool! I don’t think any of the rest of us have kept up with dance at all since high school…” Chika murmured, before You heard a sudden gasp on the other end of the line. “Wait! If she’s your partner does that mean you got to dance with her??”

“Sure did!” You said, and from the way a grin stretched over her face as she said that maybe she was having just a little bit too much fun bragging about it. Still, as entertaining as it was to boast to Chika, she could only imagine what it would be like the next time she actually got to see Dia in person.

“Was she good? Did you get to learn anything from her?”

“Well, it was ballroom dance,” You explained. “And I don’t think she’d ever done it before either, so we were both kinda learning.”

“So you were on the same level as Eli Ayase! That’s so cool!”

“Only at this one thing!” You insisted. “I bet if we were doing idol dancing she would be  _ way _ better than me.”

“You should try to find out! Ask her to dance to one of Muse’s old songs with you!”

“I’m not gonna do that!” You insisted. “I was already trying my hardest to not totally freak out in front of her. The last thing I want is to seem like some crazy fan, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense… Oh, hold on!” Chika said a moment later, and then You heard her calling out, slightly muffled as if she had put a hand over the phone. “Welcome home babe!”

“Riko-chan?” You asked.

“Yeah, she just got back!” Chika replied, before shouting again. “Come in here! I’ve got You-chan on the phone!” You smiled as she sunk back into her chair a little more, listening to the sound of some movement on the other end of the phone. She heard a voice in the background, though it was too garbled over the connection to tell what it was saying, and that was followed by a creaking noise, as if somebody had just sat down right beside Chika. And then, finally, she heard Riko’s voice, much clearer than before.

“Hello, You-chan.”

“Hey Riko-chan!” she replied.

“Dia-san told us about your exciting day.”

“Yeah!” Chika chimed in. “She was just talking about that! C’mon You-chan, you’ve gotta tell Riko everything!”

“There’s really not that much to tell her!” You laughed. “I met her at dance class and-”

“You’re taking dance lessons?” Riko interrupted, and something about the question caught You just a little bit off guard. She hadn’t thought it was anything especially noteworthy, and when she’d told Chika her friend had just seemed excited and a touch nostalgic. Riko, on the other hand, put a bizarre weight behind the tone in which she asked the question. You couldn’t quite say what it was, but this seemed important to her for some reason.

“Yeah, I did,” You replied. “It’s been forever since I danced so I figured it might be fun.”

“That’s excellent!” Riko said. And she sounded happy, but something about the way she said it was still just the smallest bit off. You still couldn’t pinpoint what it was, or why it was bothering her, but all she knew was that she had suddenly been left with an uneasy feeling. She tried to simply push past it, keep the conversation light, and focus on what she had been saying before, and in only a few seconds it was easy enough to convince herself she was just being paranoid over nothing. Even if that didn’t make the weird feeling go away entirely.

“Yeah, the first lesson was a lot of fun!” she said. “I mean, even aside from the part where I was dancing with a celebrity. Did I mention I got her phone number too?” You asked, prompting a resounding “HOLY SHIT!” from Chika.

“Does that mean you guys are like best friends now??” Chika continued on, speaking with the same sort of enthusiastic energy You was quite used to from her by now. “Are you gonna keep hanging out with her??”

“I’ve met her one time,” You laughed again. “But I’ll at least keep seeing her in class. And I’ll let you know if anything happens there.”

“You’d better!”

“I will! Anyway, what’s up with you guys?” You asked. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a while!”

“Yeah, sorry we’ve been so busy!” Chika replied. “Wedding planning really eats up a lot of our time.” After Chika said that, though, You heard a bit of whispering coming from Riko. That obviously sparked her curiosity, and she raised an eyebrow as she waited to see what was going on. “Oh, that’s right! You-chan, I have something important to ask you!”

“Hm?” You replied. “What’s up?”

“Well, now that Riko and I have really started seriously planning for our wedding…”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

“Yeaaaaaah?”

“Will you be my maid of honor?” Somehow, even though she had known it was coming, You hadn’t quite been prepared for that question. It had been obvious enough where Chika was going, and it was even the sort of thing they had talked about in the past. You and Chika had been best friends for as long as either of them could remember, so now that Chika was finally getting married it only made sense she would ask this of You. You knew this should have been a joyous moment for her as well; there was no greater honor than getting to stand next to Chika on the happiest day of her best friend’s life. And yet, despite all that, she couldn’t fight the little moment of hesitation that came before she gave her answer.

“Of course I will!” she finally replied, and aside from that pause before she answered she at least managed to sound genuinely thrilled and enthusiastic. “I’m gonna throw you the best bachelorette party ever, just you wait.”

“There’d better not be any strippers,” Riko huffed.

“That’s not a promise I’m prepared to make, Riko-chan!” More laughter came from Chika and You while Riko simply sighed in defeat. You didn’t actually have any plans for strippers, of course, though some part of her felt like it probably wouldn’t be that hard to convince Kanan to jump out of a cake…

“I’ll start picking out dresses for all the bridesmaids soon too,” Chika went on. “What do you think about a deep blue color, like the ocean?”

“I think it’s your wedding,” You replied. “You can tell me to wear whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but I want your input! You’ve always had better fashion sense than me!”

“Sorry, Chika-chan,” You teased. “You’re on your own this time.”

“You-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” Chika whined, causing You to break out laughing again. As she laughed, though, she heard Riko speaking up again.

“Hey, it’s getting kind of late.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess so,” Chika responded. “We should probably get going, You-chan. But we’re talking more about this later!”

“You can try all you like, but you’re not getting anything out of me,” You insisted. “If you really need help I bet you could always ask Ruby-chan.”

“Maybe I will!  _ She  _ would never abandon in me in my time of need!”

“I’ll talk to you later, Chika-chan,” You snickered.

“Yeah, later!”

“Bye, You-chan,” Riko said. And with that You heard a small beep, and the call came to a close. She pulled her phone away from her ear and looked down at her screen, staring at the image that was now left blinking there for a few seconds. Her contact photo for Chika had been taken years and years ago, back when they were still in middle school, when she had gotten her very first phone. It was incredibly dated at this point, but You had never bothered to change it, and now it was so nostalgic she didn’t really want to. It was hilariously awkward, caught in a moment where Chika had been given about half a second of warning that You was about to take a photo, and over the years it had survived all of Chika’s attempts to delete it. Looking at the photo now, there was a part of You that couldn’t help but miss those days: everything had been so much simpler back then.

Before You knew it, she was tearing up. It wasn’t much, only a bit of mistiness in her eyes, but it caught her off guard. She wasn’t sure where the tears had come from, or why they had chosen this moment to show up, but they had. Suddenly she was sitting there, sunk down into her armchair, staring at an ancient photo of Chika with a sad smile on her face. It wasn’t forced, since when she was alone in her apartment like this she had no reason to force it, but it was hardly happy either. It was a smile for the way things had once been, tainted and overshadowed by the knowledge that those days were well behind her, and accompanied by the all too familiar ache in her chest that she had felt time and time again by now, stretching back for years. Back past seeing that save the date hanging on her fridge every time she went into her kitchen. Back past hearing that Chika and Riko were finally engaged. Back past Chika’s declaration that she would one day marry Riko. Back past the day the two of them had first started officially dating. Back past when they had started getting close, and everyone had known it was only a matter of time. The feeling went all the way back to the very beginning. All the way back to that first day a new transfer student had walked in through the doors of Uranohoshi to begin with. And it had never gone away since.


	3. Chapter 3

You had ended up getting to class before Eli. There were still quite a few people who had ended up there ahead of her, though, and as she stepped into the studio this time around she noticed that it felt a lot more lively and friendly. When she had shown up for the first lesson everyone had mostly been keeping to themselves, but now it seemed that people had started to make friends, and the people who had come alone had started to get to know their partners. There was quite a bit of chatter and socializing, some people in larger groups while others were just talking to the one person they had been dancing with the week before.

Aside from Eli, You hadn’t really met or talked to anyone during the first class, and so she elected to stand near the edge of the group, simply stretching and preparing herself for the lesson to come. That was something else that felt oddly nostalgic to her; while there were still a handful of stretches she would do when she was feeling especially stiff after a day of work or a bad night’s sleep, she hadn’t stuck with a real, thorough stretching regimen since she had stopped practicing with Aqours. As she sat on the floor, legs spread wide while she attempted to lean forward and stretch her arms out as far as she could, You was disappointed to find that she had lost quite a bit of flexibility since her younger years. Not at all surprised, but still a little disappointed.

“Is that as far as you can reach, Watanabe-san? I would have expected more from you.” You jolted back up as she heard Eli’s voice behind her, nearly pulling a muscle in the process. Still, as she twisted her torso around to look back at the woman standing over her, she was nothing but smiles.

“I guess I’ve been slacking a little bit,” she admitted. “But are you gonna tell me you can do better?”

“Is that a challenge?” Eli replied, lips curling up into a smirk that You was already starting to become familiar with. She circled around You after that, starting to lower herself down to the floor with a level of cautious movement that already didn’t seem promising. Once she was sitting she spread her legs out wide in the same way You had, and in that respect at least she seemed to be equally as flexible. As she started to lean forward, though, it quickly became clear her stiff back wasn’t going to agree with her.

“What’s the matter?” You teased. “Feeling a little tight?”

“You should respect your elders,” Eli said, scowling (and wincing) as she pulled herself back into an upright sitting position after coming nowhere close to where You had made it to. “My body’s older than yours. I have an excuse.” Despite that, You couldn’t help but show off a little bit as she bounced back to her feet, displaying an agility that she had at least still managed to hold onto over the years. And once she was standing, she also couldn’t resist extending a hand down towards Eli.

“Need some help?” she asked.

“I’m beginning to dislike you,” Eli replied.

* * *

The actual lesson started shortly thereafter, with the instructor calling for everyone to stand with their partner and spread out over the dance floor. You and Eli were off towards the side of the room, standing beside each other while looking towards the front as they waited for their instructor to tell them what they were going to be doing.

“Now, I figure there’s one particular move a lot of you have probably seen before and are interested in learning,” the woman said, speaking out to the rest of the class. “It’s not the most important thing for you to know early on, but it’s fun, and that’s why we’re all here, right? So, today,” she said, “we’re going to spend the first portion of class learning how to dip your partner.” A murmur of excitement ran through the room as the instructor said that, and You shared in the sentiment- only for that excitement to be entirely overwhelmed by gay terror a moment later. Thinking about dipping was fun in the abstract, but suddenly she realized she was going to be dipping _Eli fucking Ayase_ , and the moment she thought about that her heart was beating a little bit faster again. She looked over towards her partner, only to find that Eli was smiling, and seemed to be far more calm about the situation than she was.

“First things first, decide amongst yourselves who will be dipping who!” the instructor said, causing Eli to actually look back at You.

“Do you have a preference?” she asked.

“Not really. Do you?”

“None at all. Rock paper scissors?” Eli asked, raising a hand up in front of herself. “Winner dips the loser?”

“Sure!” You agreed. From there she lifted her own hand, they counted down, threw their signs, and You was left standing victorious with scissors over Eli’s paper.

“Just don’t drop me,” Eli teased.

“No promises!”

“Okay! Now that you’ve all decided, let’s get started!” the instructor called, causing Eli and You to turn their attention towards the front of the room again. “It’s easiest to do a dip when you’re already coming out of a turn, so you can just keep going with that momentum. Hold hands with one hand, and then have the person dipping put their arm around their partner’s waist, and the person being dipped put their hand around their partner’s shoulder.” Turning back to Eli You prepared to follow those instructions, though there was always that little bit of nervousness that struck her whenever they were actually about to start dancing. She wanted to think she was definitely handling all of this much better than she had when she had first met Eli last week, but that still didn’t change the part of her brain that couldn’t stop putting Eli up on a pedestal, that didn’t even feel _worthy_ of laying a hand on her to begin with, or that sent itself swirling into a big old gay tizzy any time she thought about making contact with her.

You was snapped away from those thoughts when she felt Eli’s hand coming to rest on her shoulder, and while that shot a whole new wave of anxiety and adrenaline through her, it at least forced her to focus up as well. She positioned her hands in the way their instructor had said, taking one of Eli’s hands and placing the other around the other woman’s waist. She locked eyes with Eli, having to tilt her head up slightly to do so, and at that point she realized they had gotten this just a little bit backwards.

“We might have played this height difference the wrong way,” she chuckled.

“Maybe,” Eli replied. “But it’s not too big. And you look like you’re strong enough to handle it,” she added on, glancing down at You’s arms. You was hardly bulging with muscle, but there was still some definite definition there. Her job on the ship was largely a customer service position, but she still spent a decent amount of time carrying heavy objects around, moving tables and chairs and crates, helping people with bags, and so on. It didn’t give the same results actual weight training would have, but it was enough to add at least some muscle. And, of course, You felt her face heating up the moment Eli drew attention to that.

“Once you come out of the turn,” the instructor said, giving You a convenient excuse not to reply to Eli’s comment, “you’ll want to keep using that moment to go into a lunge as you lower your partner down. The person being lowered should hold onto their partner’s shoulder for support, and should put most of their weight on the foot closer to their partner’s legs. They can lift their other leg too if they want, to add a little flourish, but let’s start small, okay? We don’t need you guys dropping each other!”

“Ready?” You asked, looking towards Eli again.

“I should be asking you that,” Eli replied. “You’re the one doing most of the work here. If I hit the floor I’ll be very disappointed in you, Watanabe-san.”

“Then I guess I shouldn’t let that happen, huh?” With a grin that was perhaps just a bit more cocky than the situation called for You then mentally prepared herself, running through the instructions they’d just been given one more time before she committed herself to actually doing it.

Moving through a turn was the easy part. With her arm around Eli’s waist You guided her roughly ninety degrees, and it was only once they started to come out of that pivot that she realized she now had to contend with the harder part. If the point was conserving momentum, though, she really didn’t have any time to stop or second guess herself. Instead she tried to keep everything as one fluid motion, going right from the turn into the lunge. She pushed her weight forward onto one leg and started to lower herself down, beginning to lean Eli back while supporting her with her arm in the process. And, much to You’s immense relief, Eli didn’t end up crashing to the floor.

After You dipped Eli down she held her there for a few moments, and in that period of time she found herself simply staring at the woman. For a couple of seconds she had managed to lose herself to instinct again, getting caught up in the motions of the dancing, going through them without too much thought or concern. That was probably what had allowed her to carry out the maneuver in the first place, and to not get too up inside her own head. Now that she was just standing there, though, leaning over Eli with the other woman in her arms, staring back up at her, You’s mind was suddenly racing a mile a minute again.

“I didn’t drop you,” was all she managed to say in the end, and while it was meant to come off like a playful boast she ended up sounding more surprised by her own abilities than anything else.

“You didn’t,” Eli replied. “But you can bring me back up now.”

“Right, right.” Nodding to herself You started to lift Eli back up, and she felt even more of Eli’s weight hanging off her as she did so. There was a brief moment just as they came upright again where You found herself standing far too close to Eli, bodies practically pressed right against each other. It caused her heart to jump up into her throat, though immediately afterwards Eli was stepping back, and You was left to realize her knees felt a little unsteady and her heart was beating a bit too quickly. It wasn’t like the singular dance move they’d done so far would have been enough to leave her tired out, so she had to accept that it was her nervousness instead. Eventually, she liked to think, the mere thought of being close to Eli wouldn’t be so intimidating. But she obviously wasn’t there yet.

* * *

After showing the class how to dip, the instructor had everyone go back and do a handful of more basic steps, splitting the time between introducing new things and reinforcing what they had learned at the first lesson. Nothing was especially complicated on its own, but by the end of the hour You could see they were already getting to the point where they were able to string handfuls of simple steps together in ways that started to approach a full routine, and it sparked another bit of nostalgia inside her. It had been a while since she’d had the feeling of watching a dance slowly come together, tiny bit by tiny bit, and she had forgotten the unique satisfaction that came with it.

Eventually, though, the class did come to an end, and as it did the rest of the students started to disperse, going around to gather up their belongings and leave the studio. “Great work today everyone!” the instructor called out from the front. “I’ll see you all back here next week!”

“I think I worked up more of a sweat this time,” Eli commented, reaching up to push back a few strands of hair that had fallen loose. “This is turning out to be a little more athletic than I expected.”

“Right?” You agreed, leaning down to scoop her sweatshirt up from where she had tossed it when she’d started to get too warm. “I guess maybe I haven’t stayed as in shape as I thought I had.”

“Tell me about it,” Eli replied, before placing a hand over her stomach. “I worked up a real appetite from that too.” And, once again, her saying that caused You to have a thought that was just a little bit impulsive.

“Hey, why don’t we grab some food together?” Just like when she had asked for a picture together, You started to regret those words the moment they left her mouth. She suddenly feared she had gone too far again, worrying she might be coming across as an obsessive fan again. Or, worse than that, that what she had meant as an innocent offer might come off as aggressively flirtatious. Of course, that wasn’t to say the thought _hadn’t_ crossed her mind, or that You wouldn’t be interested in that if it was what Eli wanted. But she didn’t think she had really picked up any vibes like that from Eli yet, and the last thing she wanted was to make the other woman uncomfortable, plus with the two of them being dance partners it had the potential to make future lessons weird, and You really didn’t want to ruin the chance to get to know Eli further just because she had-

“Sure. That sounds great.” The runaway train of You’s thoughts was finally brought to a stop by Eli’s reply, and You had ended up so far inside her own catastrophizing that she’d almost forgotten she was even waiting on a response to begin with. She was startled for a second or two, but as soon as she processed the answer a grin came to her face, and she felt a renewed sense of excitement hit her.

“Awesome!” she said, mentally scolding herself for being so dumb and dramatic in the first place. “You in the mood for anything in particular?”

“Something quick,” Eli replied. “I’d like to get food in my stomach as soon as possible, and I’d prefer not to be out too late either.”

“We could probably still find some street vendors open at this hour,” You suggested.

“Sure, that’s fine with me.” And then, with a gorgeous smile that made You’s heart skip a beat yet again, Eli motioned towards the door. “Shall we?”

* * *

Just as had happened the week before, You felt an immediate chill when she stepped outside. The studio had been warm, and made warmer by the exercise she’d gotten while dancing. The night air, however, was cool, and that cold was exaggerated even more by the thin sheen of sweat that was still lingering on her skin. You had only been carrying her sweatshirt when they’d gone down the stairs, but now she wasted no time at all in pulling it back on.

“Which way are you headed?” Eli asked.

“This way,” You replied, pointing down the street in the direction of her apartment. “Buuut… There’s a little plaza over this way that usually has a bunch of stalls and carts and stuff,” she added on, pointing in the opposite direction. “So we might have more luck over there.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you go too far out of your way.”

“Yeah, it’s fine!” You promised. “Not like I’m in any rush to get back home anyway.”

“Do you live alone?” Eli asked as she started to walk down the sidewalk, and the question threw You off a fair bit.

“Huh? Uh, yeah. I do,” You replied. “Why? You’re not planning on murdering me, are you?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” Eli laughed. “I was just curious, I suppose. Knowing that Aqours came from Uchiura, I was wondering how you ended up here in the city.”

“I just needed a change of scenery, I guess,” You replied. “Uchiura’s great, but living in a small town like that for your entire life wears on you eventually, you know?”

“I can understand that,” Eli said, nodding slowly while still looking straight ahead. “Even a big city like Tokyo starts to feel familiar after living here for over a decade. Sometimes I think about moving somewhere else, just for the sake of it.”

“Yeah? What kinda places would you wanna move?” You asked, prompting a few seconds of silent contemplation from Eli.

“I’m not really sure,” she admitted. “Maybe somewhere other than Japan entirely. I don’t think I’d want to move back to Russia, but there are plenty of other countries in the world I’ve never even seen before. Maybe I should travel there before I commit to living in them, though,” she laughed, and You laughed along with her.

“Sometimes I wish I had been born a couple centuries earlier,” You admitted. “Back when being a sailor and hopping on a ship for months at a time to travel out into the big wide unknown was a real option. Coulda been fun.”

“Minus the scurvy, you mean?”

“Yeah, minus the scurvy. I could live without that part.”

“I think you would have a harder time living _with_ that part.”

The plaza You had mentioned really wasn’t that far away at all, and only a moment later they ended up rounding the street corner and entering out into a more open space. It wasn’t especially crowded, especially on a week night and with the weather getting chillier, though there were still a small handful of people milling about, alongside a few carts and stalls that looked like they hadn’t yet packed up for the night. Their options seemed limited, but hopefully they would be able to find something that seemed palatable.

“Anything catching your eye?” You asked.

“Nothing specifically,” Eli replied. “Just as long as it’s not something so sugary it’ll leave me with a stomach ache I’m fine with anything.”

“I can work with that. C’mon!” Waving Eli forward, You started to walk off towards the stalls, moving with an extra bit of spring and energy in her step now that there was an immediate promise of food. Eli followed not that far behind, and the two of them quietly perused the offerings that were on display.

“Takoyaki sounds good,” Eli chimed in, pointing towards a stall offering the dish.

“Works for me!” You replied. Honestly, though, she would have been a fan of anything warm at this point. The longer they spent outside the colder she was starting to get, and even with her hands stuffed down into the pockets of her sweatshirt her fingers were still starting to sting a little bit. Maybe, she thought to herself, it would have been a smarter move to head right back home and take a shower to warm up from this. But then she wouldn’t get to spend this time with Eli, so it was kind of a draw.

The two of them walked up to the stall, thankful for the fact that there wasn’t any line to contend with, and very quickly they were each served a steaming hot plate of octopus balls, piled together in little paper trays alongside wooden picks meant for skewering. For a brief moment You entertained the thought of offering to pay for Eli, but she quickly realized there really wasn’t a normal way to go about something like that. After all the worries she’d had earlier, that would probably set her back quite a few steps.

Once they both had their food You started to walk again, though this time, without any clear destination, she was really just wandering. She half expected Eli to want to head straight home now that she had her food, but the other woman followed after her without saying anything, and You got the impression they might at least stay together long enough to finish their meal.

“How is it?” You asked in between bites of her own food.

“Good,” Eli replied. “Better than I expected for something off the street, honestly.”

“Hey, there’s some really good street food out there!” You insisted. “That’s kinda one of the things I love about the big city, actually. There’s pretty much always stuff going on somewhere, if you just look around for it.”

“I suppose so,” Eli agreed. “Didn’t you have street vendors like this back in Uchiura?”

“Not really,” You said, shaking her head. “A few times a year there would be big festivals where those sorts of things would happen, but aside from that it was a pretty quiet town, and there was definitely no chance of finding anything this late. The whole town pretty much shut down once the sun went down.”

“I suppose I can see where that would get dull. If I’m being honest, though, it also sounds kind of nice,” Eli said. “There are times around here where I just wish I could get to sleep, but there are cars out in the street or neighbors stomping around above me. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve just had a moment of peace and quiet.”

“I guess that sorta stuff never really bothered me,” You said. “My dad’s always been a loud guy, talking in this big booming voice and crashing around the house, and all his sailor friends are like that too. Plus, growing up around Kanan-chan and Chikan-chan, they were always- Oh! They’re both my friends from-”

“I know,” Eli interrupted, looking at You with a coy smile.

“Right,” You laughed. “I guess you would. They were always really loud and energetic too, so it’s just kinda what I’m used to.”

“You three grew up together?” Eli asked.

“Yeah! I mean, not like living in the same house or anything,” You quickly clarified. “But I’ve known them basically all my life. Our parents all knew each other, so we were playing together since we were babies.” You paused for a moment there, letting a brief silence settle over them as she considered her next question. They were at the base of a staircase now, leading up to a pedestrian overpass that stretched over the street, even though the street itself was practically empty at this hour. Still with no clear idea of where, if anywhere, they were going, they both began to walk up it in silence. And then You decided to ask what she was wondering about, deciding her curiosity was worth the risk of a bit of fangirling. “Were you friends with any of the other Muse members beforehand?”

“No,” came Eli’s almost immediate reply, followed by a shake of her head. “Not really. The only ones I actually knew were the ones in my year, and even then I only knew Nico-chan in passing. The only one I was truly close with beforehand…” Despite how readily she had first started talking about the subject, Eli was trailing off now, and as You watched her expression it seemed to grow more distant for a moment. Something about the question, and the answer, felt like it carried a weight You hadn’t expected. “Nozomi was my best friend,” she eventually said, though she still seemed to be staring off towards nothing at all as they reached the top of the overpass. “She came to me the first day I arrived at Otonokizaka, and we were practically inseparable ever since.”

Something about that story felt painfully familiar to You, and though she knew she was looking at it from a different lens and it wasn’t a perfect parallel, she couldn’t help but feel a twist in her gut as she knew what it reminded her of. And maybe that was what lead her to her next question. “Do any of the other still live around here too? Do you still see them?” This time, there was more of a pause before Eli gave her answer, more hesitation. But, eventually, she shook her head.

“No,” she confessed. “Not really.” Somehow, that answer felt like a crushing weight of disappointment on You’s chest. She didn’t know whether it was because there was something deeply saddening about finding out the idols she had looked up to and revered were no longer as close as they had once seemed, or whether it was something more personal, like she was getting a glimpse into her own future and hating what she saw. Either way, she was relieved when Eli continued speaking.

“I mean, it’s not as if I never talk to them anymore,” she went on. “I still keep in touch with the others. But I’m the only one who still lives here, they’ve all moved on to new things and new places by now. And when you’ve got so many different friends scattered across so many different cities it’s hard to stay close the way you did when you were in high school.” They were halfway across the overpass now, and Eli had come to a stop on the sidewalk, looking out over the railing at the street underneath them, and at the rest of the city stretching off into the distance. She wasn’t looking at You, but You was looking at her, and the expression she saw felt unsettlingly familiar. How many times, You had to wonder, had she worn that exact same look on her face while getting caught up in memories of the past, or wistful thoughts about returning to the way things had once been? How often had her lips stretched into that same sad smile, how often had her eyes glazed over as her thoughts drifted to far off places and far off times full of far off people?

And then Eli looked back at You, and You was caught off guard as she realized she had been caught staring. She tried to avert her gaze and look out towards the city as well, but it was a little bit late by that point. You was even more surprised to hear soft laughter coming from beside her, and when she looked over again she found that Eli was smiling now.

“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “You didn’t come out here to listen to me bitch about my old life. I didn’t mean to get so depressing.”

“No, it’s alright,” You replied, shaking her head. A faint smile tugged at her own lips as well, and she turned her eyes back out over the Tokyo skyline, leaning forward to prop her arms against the railing. “Honestly… I’ve kinda been going through the same thing since leaving Uchiura. Not seeing or talking to my friends as much, missing the way things used to be when we were all dumb kids. It’s kinda nice to talk to someone who’s been through the same stuff. And… To talk to anyone here in Tokyo at all,” she added on, before laughing at herself. “Sounds kinda lame when I say it that way, doesn’t it? But I haven’t really gotten to know anyone very well since I moved here.” You didn’t look back over at Eli, and Eli didn’t answer right away. But, out of the corner of her eye, You could see Eli leaning down alongside her, resting against the railing and staring out at the city as well.

“I don’t think it’s particularly lame,” Eli said. “Or at least, I can’t say I’m doing any better. Why do you think I signed up for those dance lessons in the first place?”

“Really?” You asked. “I kinda figured it was just for nostalgia or something.”

“Partly,” Eli replied. “But another part of it was just so I would have a way to meet people again. And I suppose it worked,” she said. “Because here I am, talking to you.” When You heard that she was actually a little surprised, and she finally pulled her eyes away from the city to look at Eli. In doing so she found that Eli was already looking back at her as well, smiling softly, face strangely illuminated by the combination of street lamps and moonlight. Every time You looked at Eli she had a thought about how pretty the woman was, but it was even more exaggerated in that moment, making You’s breath catch in her throat for a moment. Though Eli may have changed and aged over the years, she still carried so much of the same beauty You remembered. Maybe her features were a bit sharper now, and her skin wasn’t as perfect as it had always been in the posters that lined the walls of their old club room, but as You stood beside Eli she still found herself staring with all the same breathless adoration that had gripped her whenever she had huddled around a computer screen to watch old μ's videos with Chika and the rest of Aqours. You tightened her fingers around the railing in front of her, and as thought these thoughts she could feel her face heating up the slightest bit. It would be easy enough to blame it on the cold weather, but she knew it was more than just that.

“Well… That’s kinda the same reason I signed up, too,” You admitted. “I mean, partly just because I thought it would be fun to get back to dancing after so long. But… Partly because I also really wanted to meet more people. So… I guess I’m really glad I ran into you like this.”

“Agreed,” Eli said. “I don’t exactly get many opportunities to talk to other people who have had so many of the same experiences I have. It’s… Nice, to feel this again.” You smiled when she heard that, thought it was more to herself than to Eli. A comfortable quiet settled between them for a few seconds after Eli spoke, though despite the silence outside, the inside of You’s mind was filled with thoughts that were coming fast and loud.

_Just say it_ , her brain urged her, pushing up against the nervousness, the awkwardness, the lingering sense of unworthiness that still hung over her when she stood in Eli Ayase’s presence. But she knew what she wanted to say right now, and her thoughts weren’t going to stop shouting themselves in her head. _Just ask her,_ they said. _Don’t be scared. Don't get cold feet. Don’t chicken out._

_Don’t miss your chance._

And finally, that last thought was enough to start forcing out the words that had already proven to be far too difficult than they should have been.

“Hey,” You started. “I’ve… I’ve really enjoyed getting to spend this time with you. It’s nice to get to talk to you, and to get to know you better and everything. And if you’re interested… I’d kinda like to keep doing this,” she said. “Outside of class. Maybe… Maybe over dinner, or something.”

“Watanabe-san,” Eli replied. “Are you asking me on a date?” You’s heart froze in her chest when Eli asked that. Despite the fact that it was _exactly_ what she had been doing, apparently she still wasn’t prepared for Eli to say it so bluntly. From the familiar, teasing smile on Eli’s face, though, it didn’t seem like she was upset about the question. She even, You wanted to think, looked like she might be amicable to it.

“Well, maybe,” You replied, voice a little sheepish now. “Would you be interested if I was?’ And then You saw a flicker of hesitation on Eli’s face, just enough to put some doubt in her mind before the woman nodded.

“I think I would. So you should probably go ahead and ask me.”

“Alright, alright,” You laughed nervously, before taking a deep breath to prepare herself. “Eli Ayase… Can I take you out to dinner this weekend?”

“That sounds lovely,” Eli answered, and even though she had already made it clear enough what she was going to say You still felt a sense of relief when she heard it. Relief that, very quickly, turned to excitement when she realized _she’d just gotten a date with former μ's member Eli motherfucking Ayase_ . If there was ever a time to _not_ freak out and start acting like a fangirl now was definitely it, though, and so You forced herself to stay restrained, only showing an acceptable level of excitement.

“Great! I basically work in tourism now, so I know all sorts of good recommendations around here. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

“Surprise me,” Eli replied,  before she looked down at the empty paper tray in her hands. “For now, though, I should probably be heading home. Text me our plans?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Definitely!” You said, nodding eagerly as Eli stood back up straight from leaning over the railing. “I guess I should go home too.”

“Get home safe,” Eli said. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah! Goodnight, Ayase-san!”

“Goodnight, Watanabe-san.” With one last warm smile Eli turned and started to walk across the overpass, towards the stairs and off into the city. Despite saying she needed to go back to her apartment as well, You didn’t start to move just yet. Instead she simply stood there, watching Eli walk off. Even as she was walking away, You still found herself fascinated by Eli, and she probably could have stayed there staring for far too long if Eli didn’t eventually disappear from view. Only once she was out of sight completely did You finally pull herself together enough to stand up straight, beginning the walk back to her own apartment in kind.

* * *

It was late when You finally got back home. Later than it had been the week before, thanks to the little excursion she’d taken before returning. Her apartment was dark and cold, though despite that You didn’t bother to crank up the heat or turn on the lights in the living room. She more or less made a beeline for her bed, only taking a brief detour into the bathroom to brush her teeth before she threw herself under the covers. She knew morning would come early, and it was probably time to be getting to sleep. But, despite that, there was one other thing You needed to do first.

Just as she had the last time she’d gotten home from her dance class, You dug out her phone and navigated to Chika’s contact. Her screen was bright against the darkness of her room, and You had to squint as she tapped the green call icon and waited for it to connect. She held her phone up to her ear, and just like before listened to it ring once, twice, three times, four times, five times, _six_ times… Until Chika _finally_ picked up.

“You-chan?” she heard Chika groan from the other end. “Why are you calling so late? I was already asleep!” she huffed.

“Chika-chan!” You replied. “I know it’s late, but-”

“Chika?” she heard another familiar voice on the other end murmur. “What’s going on?”

“You-chan’s calling me.”

“Listen, listen,” You urged. “I’m sorry I woke you guys up, but this is important.”

“It’d better be,” Riko grumbled.

“It is: I have a date with Eli Ayase.” There was a pause after You said that, and for a moment she was disappointed that she wasn’t met with the excited reaction she’d been hoping for. But only for a moment.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??” Chika shouted, practically loud enough to blow out the speaker on You’s phone. Even without being there You could also imagine Riko wincing away as Chika yelled like that, and it provided her with quite a bit of amusement.

“You heard me,” You replied. “I asked her out after class today and she said yes! I’m taking her out to dinner this weekend!”

“And you’re talking about THE Eli Ayase??” Chika said. “The one from Muse?? Not, like, some other Eli Ayase??”

“You saw the picture last week, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but-” And, even through her apparent annoyance over being woken up, Riko seemed like she was starting to get excited as well.

“That’s honestly fantastic,” she said. “I’m really, really happy for you, You-chan. You deserve something like this.” And once again, the words sounded kind and sincere, but something about them felt just the tiniest bit _off_ to You. She still couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but for some reason it bothered her, and it delayed her response before she was able to figure out what to say.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t get ahead of myself,” she chuckled, though it sounded a little strained now. “It’s exciting, but it’s still just a first date. There’s a chance it won’t even go anywhere.”

“Don’t say that!” Riko insisted. “I’m sure you two are going to have an excellent time together. Ayase-san is lucky to get to go out with someone as incredible as you.” And yet again Riko’s words made You uneasy, but before she had the chance to say anything else Chika was piping up again as well.

“Riko’s right! Eli Ayase should be the one freaking out because she gets to go on a date with THE You Watanabe! You’re gonna knock this out of the park and she’s totally gonna fall in love with you!”

“Jeez, you guys,” You laughed back. “You’re embarrassing me. But… Thanks. You’re gonna help me pick out an outfit, right Chika-chan?”

“You-chaaaaaan!” Chika whinted. “Why do you always make me do this? You know you’re better at fashion than I am!”

“Yeah, but it’s fun to make you try,” You snickered. After that, though, she glanced at the clock sitting beside her bed, and she was reminded of just how late it was. Now that she had shared her exciting news, she figured, she probably shouldn’t keep her friends up any longer. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to sleep. Sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s alright!” Chika insisted. “This was totally worth it!”

“Although… Maybe next time this sort of news could wait until morning?” Riko added.

“Friendship never sleeps, Riko-chan,” You replied, prompting a bit of laughter.

“Fair enough. We’ll talk to you soon, You-chan.”

“Byeeee You-chan!” Chika said.

“Later!” From there the call ended, and You was left staring at the same familiar picture of Chika on a far too bright screen for a few seconds before it disappeared. In doing so, a thought came to her mind. It was a question she felt she probably already knew the answer to, but she decided to check on it just in case. You navigated back to her contacts list, but this time, rather than looking at Chika’s entry, she scrolled down to Riko’s instead. Riko’s picture was, of course, newer, since they hadn’t known each other as far back as middle school, but it had still been taken at Uranohoshi, and was quite a few years old by this point. Navigating into the “history” tab You checked on when the last time she and Riko had called or texted each other directly was…

And had her exact suspicion confirmed. You’s eyes fell on the most recent entry, on the date, on the duration, and they simply hovered there for a few moments. Once upon a time Riko had been one of You’s closest friends. And now that entire friendship could be summed up in an increasingly sparse call history. Two minutes and eleven seconds from thirty-two days ago. One minute and twenty seconds from fifty-seven days ago. Three minutes and nine seconds from seventy-two days ago. Nothing at all in the past month. With that knowledge weighing heavily on her mind, You shut her phone screen off and rolled over to try to get to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

To say You was freaking out over her date with Eli was an understatement. Even though it was only a few days until the weekend, those days managed to feel like an entire week all on their own. Her nervousness was occupying her thoughts every minute of every hour, regardless of whether she was at work or at home. True to her promise she had texted Eli to figure out further logistics, picking out a day and a time, as well as a restaurant to eat at. It was somewhat fancy- nothing too over the top, but nice enough to serve as an impressive venue for a first date. You also had every intention of insisting on paying for Eli when they got there, though she had a feeling Eli might fight her on that one.

You also followed through on her threat to make Chika help her pick out an outfit, video calling her friend from her laptop a few hours before she was supposed to leave and going through the better part of her wardrobe as she tried on clothes, one at a time. Unsurprisingly Chika didn’t have too much input, and mostly seemed to be trying to defer to You’s judgement at any chance she got, but it was still helpful just for You to have the opportunity to try on different outfits and see how she looked in each of them. It was a struggle to find something that actually struck the note she wanted it to, looking nice and dressed up without going too formal or over the top. It didn’t help that her summer wardrobe was much more extensive than her fall wardrobe either.

Eventually she did manage to put together an outfit, picking out a thick white knit sweater that she had actually stolen from Dia years ago and never ended up returning. She matched them with a pair of jean shorts and then, to protect herself from the cold weather, a pair of black leggings to go underneath them. She wavered on weather or not to wear glasses, realizing Eli had never seen her in them before, and ultimately decided to opt for them. And then, on her way out of the apartment, she tossed on a pair of ankle-high brown boots, and finally her outfit was complete. It had only taken half the day.

The restaurant they had selected was more or less between their two apartments, and it wasn’t like either of them had a car anyway, so as tempting as it was to go through the whole “I’ll pick you up at seven” routine, they ultimately just decided to meet there. You left her home a little bit sooner than she probably needed to, just a bit paranoid about running late and leaving Eli there waiting for her. Those fears ended up being completely unnecessary, and You was the one left waiting instead. She was alright with that, though- it was nice to have a little bit of a chance to collect her thoughts and prepare herself before her date actually arrived.

Inside her mind, there was still a part of You that couldn’t believe this was really happening. Back in high school she had admired Eli, and all the members of μ's for that matter, as something astounding and ethereal, almost as if they were something that couldn’t possibly actually exist. They were this concept for You to look up to, something for her to strive to be, but it was hard to wrap her mind around the fact that they could be real people, with real lives. Even now, it was hard to come to grips with the reality that she had somehow crossed paths with one of those lives, and was now about to go on a date with _Eli. Fucking. Ayase._

The longer You was left waiting there the more anxious she started to grow, and before long she ended up reaching for her phone just to find some way to pass the minutes. Glancing at the clock she realized it still wasn’t even technically time for their date to start, so there was no surprise that Eli wasn’t there yet. You navigated to the messaging section of her phone again, opening up her conversation with Chika to see the last message her friend had sent her. “you’ve got this!!!! YOUSORO!!!!” it read, and just seeing that brought a smile to You’s face. She considered texting Chika again right now to say how badly she was starting to freak out, and even began typing out a message, but she ultimately decided against it, deleting what she’d written and putting her phone away. Just in time.

“Good evening.” The familiar voice snapped You away from her growing sense of nervousness, and as she turned to face the direction it had come from, she could swear her heart stopped for a moment. It hadn’t occurred to her until that very moment that she had only seen Eli twice before this, and both of those times Eli had been dressed for dance. You had never seen her with a more put together look, and the moment she laid eyes upon it she was awestruck, even if it wasn’t anything overly fancy.

Flowy was one of the first words that came to mind. Eli was wearing a white blouse, slightly low cut with the fabric ruffled in the front. A striped cardigan was layered over that, loose fitting and long enough to hang down around her knees, though the sleeves were rolled back slightly so they only came partway down her forearms. You could see a bracelet on one wrist, looking like some sort of thin gold chain with a few charms hanging off it, and it appeared to match a long necklace she was wearing as well. The outfit was rounded out with a nice pair of jeans, and with sneakers that appeared to be in such good condition You almost had to wonder if they had ever been worn outside before.

“You uh- You look beautiful,” You managed to say, realizing she had been staring in silence for just a little bit too long without actually commenting. Eli didn’t seem to mind, though, a small smile crossing over her face as she walked closer.

“As do you,” she replied, causing You’s face to heat up just a little bit more. “I like the glasses.”

“Thanks,” You said, before offering an arm up to Eli. “Shall we?” Eli said nothing in response, but her smile grew just a bit wider as she stepped forward, linking arms with You so her date could lead her inside.

The interior of the restaurant was somewhat dimly lit, which was exaggerated by the dark wood aesthetic that stretched through most of the space. They were lead to a table relatively near the back, seated underneath a large, traditional looking painting that seemed far more up Dia’s alley than You’s own. The cuisine the restaurant offered was mostly standard Japanese fare, though a glance at the website when she had been looking for places to go suggested that many of the dishes were a bit more fancy and modernized. It seemed like it could be interesting, and You had to quietly hope she hadn’t made a mistake in deciding for them to come here.

After You and Eli were seated and handed their menus You started looking hers over, though her attention was quickly caught up by the drink menu inserted into the front. There were a number of cocktails, running the gauntlet from creative to outright bizarre, though You had never really had a taste for cocktails to begin with. Beer was more her style, and the menu offered quite a few varieties of that as well. While You could happily drink draught beer if it was handed to her at a social gathering, she had also acquired a taste for craft beers as well. Chika always used to mock her for being pretentious whenever she would order them, but now that Chika wasn’t here, she saw no reason not to.

“Do you drink?” You heard from the other end of the table, and she glanced up to see Eli looking at her over the top of her own menu.

“Huh? Yeah, I do from time to time,” You replied. “Do you, Ayase-san?”

“Socially,” Eli replied, before her lips curled up into a playful smirk. “You know, we _are_ out here on a date with each other,” she pointed out. “I think maybe we’ve moved past the point of you addressing me so formally.” You’s blood nearly ran cold at the thought of addressing Eli casually when half of her still felt like she should be appending a “sama” to the end of the other woman’s name, but she forced herself to nod along in agreement.

“Yeah, okay. What do you want me to call you, then?”

“First names are alright with me if they’re alright with you,” Eli replied.

“Okay then… Eli-chan,” You said, though forcing the name out was just a bit harder than it probably should have been. She ended up grinning once she said it, and Eli seemed amused.

“See? That feels a lot more natural, You-chan.” Of course, hearing Eli call her that made You’s stomach do a flip, but even if this constant sense of nervousness whenever she was in Eli’s presence wasn’t getting better, she was at least learning how to cover it up.

“Have you figured out what you’re gonna get yet?” You asked, figuring it was probably finally time to turn her own attention away from the selection of beers and onto the actual food.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Eli replied, returning her eyes to her menu. “A lot of the options look really good. I know my stomach will probably hate me if i get the tempura, but…”

“Aww,” You laughed. “Not big on fried foods?”

“Not really. I try to eat healthy, and I end up feeling gross any time I eat something greasy or deep fried,” she said, before letting out a defeated sigh and slumping down in her chair. “But they always taste so good…”

“Well maybe I’ll order that for myself,” You decided. “And then you can just steal a couple bites without making yourself sick.” As soon as she said that Eli glanced up at her again, looking excited for just a moment before she adopted a more serious expression.

“You really don’t have to do that for me, You-chan,” she insisted.

“Nah, I’m not just doing it for you,” You replied, shaking her head. “It really does look good. And I eat enough fried food that my body’s probably used to it anyway,” she added on, chuckling in the sort of way that suggested that maybe that wasn’t quite as much of a joke as she would have liked it to be. You really did _try_ to eat healthy, but sometimes, when she got home late from work, it was hard to find the motivation to cook. Junk food might not have been great for her body, but it was much easier on her schedule.

“If you’re really sure that’s what you actually want,” Eli said.

“I am,” You insisted. Was it what she would have ordered if she’d come here on her own? Maybe not. But it still did look appetizing, and she really couldn’t resist the opportunity to win some favor with Eli.

“Alright. But in that case I think it’s only fair for me to order something that you’ll enjoy enough to steal bites of as well,” Eli replied, and You couldn’t argue with that logic.

“Oh yeah? What’re you thinking of getting, then?” she asked, leaning in across the table a bit to take a peak at Eli’s menu.

“Well… The yakitori sounds good right now,” Eli said, pointing to the picture of the chicken skewers on the menu. “And easy enough to share as well. Is that something you’d like?”

“Sure! I’m willing to eat just about anything, I’m not picky.”

“I don’t just want you to _eat_ it though. I want you to be able to _enjoy_ it.”

“I promise, I’m gonna enjoy it,” You insisted, and that seemed to be enough to put Eli’s fears to rest. With the matter of what each of them would get settled the waiter came over shortly after, and they both placed their orders. You decided to go ahead and order a beer for herself as well, despite the slightly off-putting price tag they always carried at establishments like these, though Eli abstained. Once they’d placed their orders the waiter gathered up the menus and walked away, leaving the two women alone at the table together again. And it was at that point You realized she had no fucking clue what to say.

It had been a while since You had been on a date. When she had first come to Tokyo she had made the attempt to go out and meet new people like this, trying everything from dating apps to meeting new people at bars, and she had even managed to successfully land a few dates in doing so. Invariably, though, she found that they never really went well. It wasn’t like they had been a disaster or anything, but her heart just hadn’t been in it. She had failed to make a connection with whoever she had been out with, and there had never been a second date on any of those occasions. Eventually, disheartened and disparaged, she had just given up on it all together. Which only made being here with Eli right now that much more terrifying.

Something about the framing of a “date,” You realized, made the situation even scarier than it would otherwise be. When she had simply been talking to Eli at dance class, or wandering around with her when they had gone to get food, she hadn’t felt any of this pressure. Conversation had come naturally, and while there had still been the certain level of nervousness she felt whenever she was around Eli, it hadn’t been paralyzing. Now, though, She couldn’t even think of anything to say. Her mind was drawing a blank, and she was simply looking at Eli from across the table, unable to force any words to come out of her mouth. And then Eli ended up breaking the silence, and You was immensely relieved.

“I’m sorry. I’m terrible at small talk,” she said before laughing softly, and You laughed as well.

“It’s alright,” You replied. “Not like I’m any better.” After that she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest and pulling a thoughtful expression. She was quiet for a few seconds, and then she asked the first innocuous question that came to her mind, regardless of how dumb or mundane it might have been. “What’s your favorite animal?”

“So this is what we’re doing, huh?” Eli chuckled back, before taking a few seconds to consider a response. “Let’s see… I’ve always really liked water birds. Swans, ducks, geese, anything like that. They’ve fascinated me ever since I was a child.”

“Really?” You asked. “Why’s that?”

“I’m not completely sure. I think there’s something about how calm and graceful they look when they’re moving through the water that’s always captivated me, and I’ve always thought their feathers are pretty. Swan Lake might have also had something to do with it. What about you?”

“Probably some kind of sea creature,” You replied. “But if I had to pick I’m not totally sure… Maybe a pufferfish? They’re kinda goofy looking, but in a cute way.”

“I suppose that makes sense, growing up in Uchiura.”

“Yeah! I was around beaches all the time as a kid," You said, starting to nod excitedly at the memory. “There was an aquarium out there too, but you could pretty much just wander out into the ocean and find all sorts of cool stuff. Especially with Kanan-chan’s family running a dive shop! We got to go out into the deeper water all the time ‘casue of that.”

“That sounds lovely…” Eli hummed. “I suppose that’s one more thing I could add to my list of little gripes with Tokyo. The city is nice, but it’s so big and sprawling that it really takes some effort to get back out into nature. I can’t even remember the last time I traveled out into the mountains…”

“Are you a big outdoorsy person?” You asked, prompting Eli to shake her head.

“No, not really,” she replied. “But I do enjoy it from time to time. I still remember one trip we took back in high school, as a sort of training camp for Muse,” she reminisced. “We called it that, but I think we probably spent more time goofing around and enjoying the scenery than we did actually practicing or rehearsing.”

“That’s kinda funny though,” You replied. “I still remember it being a huge deal every time all of us in Aqours would travel into Numazu or Tokyo together. Getting to go to the city was like this whole big thing for us that we didn’t get to do very often.”

“I guess the grass is always greener,” Eli chuckled. “Is Tokyo still as exciting to you as it was when you first moved here?” The question gave You a moment of pause, and she really did stop to consider it for a few seconds before she ended up shrugging her shoulders up slightly.

“I’m not really sure,” she said. “I mean, everything will start to feel a little less exciting once it becomes familiar, right? But getting used to stuff probably isn’t a bad thing. When I first came to Tokyo it was cool and new, but… It was honestly kinda terrifying at the same time,” she admitted, laughing softly. “It was totally massive compared to where I used to live, I felt like I was totally out of my element for a while. Back home I knew every street, and every person, even every dog I ran into while I was walking around town. And then suddenly I was in this huge city where I didn’t know anything or anyone, and had to use my phone to figure out how to get around for weeks. Making the decision to pack up and leave Uchiura was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.”

“But you still did it.” For a moment You had been so lost inside her memories of leaving her home town that she was actually somewhat startled to hear Eli speak, but as she lifted her eyes again she saw the other woman smiling at her from across the table. At first You simply looked surprised, a little shaken by everything she had just been thinking about, but quickly a smile crossed over her face as well.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I did. And I’m glad I did. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here with you right now.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, You-chan,” Eli chuckled, but You quickly shook her head.

“No, I mean it,” she insisted. “I mean, maybe this is kind of dumb to say since we still don’t know each other super well, but you just feel really easy to talk to.” Minus the part where she still got a little starstruck every time she laid eyes on Eli. “Like, a lot of this is stuff I’ve never really gotten the chance to talk about with someone else, I guess. All this big abstract life stuff. But you seem like you get it, so it feels good to say shit and not worry that I’m gonna get looked at like I’m crazy. Is that weird?”

“A little bit,” Eli replied. “But… I think the feeling’s mutual. It’s been… A while, since I’ve had anyone I can have these conversations with.” She had been smiling throughout most of the conversation, even as she listened to You speak, but now that she was talking herself that smile suddenly faltered, disappearing rather abruptly and unexpectedly. This new, more somber expression hung over her face for a few seconds, and during those seconds Eli didn’t seem like she was looking at anything in particular, more so just staring past You instead. You wasn’t entirely sure what to say or how to react, and for a few seconds she simply stayed as she was, wondering if Eli had something else to say. She ended up being glad she did so, as after a few seconds Eli suddenly locked eyes with You again, and the solemn expression vanished as quickly as it had come.

“Will you excuse me?” she asked. “I’m going to use the restroom before our food comes.”

“Oh, yeah! Go ahead!” You replied, though she couldn’t deny that she was still a little thrown off by that little blip of seriousness that seemed to have interrupted Eli’s mood.

“Thank you.” With a smile Eli stood up from the table, stepping away from her chair and walking towards the bathrooms a little further back. You watched her go until she disappeared from view, and at that point she was simply left to wonder over what had just happened. The mood shift struck her as odd, and that coupled with Eli suddenly leaving the table stood out even more. You started going through everything she’d said leading up to that moment, wondering if maybe something had been out of line, or had stepped over a boundary. Her comment about feeling like Eli was easy to talk to could have come across that way, she supposed, though Eli had expressed similar sentiments in the past, so it seemed like it would be odd for that to make her uncomfortable now.

You’s concern only grew worse with each minute that ticked by. At first she was simply waiting for Eli to come back, but the more time passed, the more she started to wonder if Eli actually _would_ come back. Thinking that this was one of those sitcom scenarios where the date disappeared out the bathroom window seemed like it was probably a stretch, and Eli didn’t strike You as the type to do something like that, but with each minute that elapsed the worry continued to grow just a little bit stronger.

Eventually the food did arrive, and even then Eli _still_ hadn’t returned. You looked down at the fresh dishes set out on the empty table before her, wondering how much longer Eli was going to be, debating how much longer she should keep waiting. The food was going to get cold before Eli returned at this rate, and eventually, You made the decision to investigate.

Rising up from her chair she looked in the direction of the bathrooms, still seeing the door shut and no sign of anyone going in or out recently. Her face twisted into a small frown at that sight, and the idea that Eli might have snuck out the back was starting to feel more and more likely, even though she still tried to write that off as nothing more than nerves and paranoia. You walked over towards the bathrooms, placing her hand on the door. Taking one more deep breath she forced herself to open it, and saw…

Eli. Crying.

The scene in front of her was so bizarre and unexpected it took You a moment to even begin to figure out how to process it. Eli was doubled over in front of the mirror, hands braced on the edge of the sink, and she was very clear crying. Not just crying, but sobbing. Her body was shaking, her eyes were screwed shut tightly, her fingers were gripping the edges of the sink so hard her knuckles were turning white, she was taking shaky breaths in and out between her teeth. You froze in place the moment she saw it, but the sound of the door opening was all it took to alert Eli to her presence. The older woman’s head whipped around towards the noise, bloodshot eyes going wide, and she looked just as shocked as You did. Finally, You managed to force herself to move.

“Eli-chan!” she blurted out, starting to rush forward across the bathroom towards the other woman. “What’s wrong??”

“Fuck,” Eli hissed under her breath, simply dropping her head back down and shutting her eyes again as You ran up beside her. She reached up to try to dry her tears with the heel or her palm, but it seemed like a futile effort at this point. “I- I’m sorry,” she stammered out. “You- You shouldn’t have to s-see me like this.”

“It’s alright,” You insisted. Almost on instinct she reached out to place a hand on Eli’s back, though halfway through she realized she wasn’t sure whether the gesture would be welcome or not. Her hand hovered awkwardly in the air for a moment, and then she ended up lowering it back down. This definitely wasn’t how she had expected the date to go, but at this point she was genuinely concerned. “Are you okay?” she asked, before realizing what a stupid question it was.

“I just- I thought-” Eli choked out. “I really thought- I was ready for this,” she managed to say, before completely breaking down again. She started sobbing so hard You knew further questions would be useless at this point, and so she chose to simply stand there instead, unsure of what she was supposed to be doing. She had dealt with her own friends being upset plenty of times before, and if this had been someone like Chika or Kanan she would have known precisely how to comfort them. But with Eli, and in this setting, she was entirely clueless about what to do. She felt useless just standing there, not knowing what she could say or what actions she could take to fix the problem, not knowing what the problem even _was_. All she could do was feel sympathetic, but that didn’t accomplish anything.

Eventually, at least, Eli seemed to start to calm down on her own. You still wished there was something she could have done to help the other woman feel better, but she was glad to see the sobbing begin to subside. Eli was still shaking, but You could hear her breathing gradually returning to a more regular pace. Eli reached up again to try to dry her eyes, and this time it actually seemed to have some effect. They were still bloodshot, she was still sniffling, but she was slowly starting to pull herself together again.

“I- I’m sorry,” Eli said, voice still a little unsteady, and raspy now from the crying.”You- You shouldn’t have had to see all of that.”

“It’s alright,” You replied, before asking the question that seemed obvious, but that was still looming so heavily over her. “Do you, uh… Do you wanna talk about it?” Eli’s answer didn’t come immediately, and it seemed like she was seriously deliberating over whether or not she wanted to. For a few seconds an incredibly uncomfortable silence hung between them, and then Eli looked past You, over towards the door.

“Do you think, maybe… We could have this conversation away from here?” she asked.

“Yeah,” You replied, nodding slowly. “That’s probably a good idea.”


	5. Chapter 5

The little park was quiet this time of night. Quiet enough, in fact, that You didn’t see anyone else around as she stood in front of the food cart, thanking the vendor as she picked up the two hot drinks that had been placed there for her. It had been easy enough to make the decision, after seeing Eli in the state she had been in, to leave the restaurant and to go somewhere a little more private so the two of them could talk. During the walk to the park, which had taken around ten minutes, Eli had been quiet, and You had been unsure of precisely what they were going to talk about when they got there. She didn’t feel like now was an appropriate time to start pushing, though, so she allowed Eli to remain silent until they reached the destination. And even though she didn’t know exactly how this conversation would get there, she had a feeling she knew where it was going to end up: after what had just happened, she somehow doubted there would be a second date. That was alright, though. At the moment she was a lot less worried about romance and a lot more worried about simply making sure Eli was okay. Even if they hadn’t known each other that long, You couldn’t bring herself to turn her back on someone who clearly wasn’t in a great place.

With the two drinks in hand You walked back towards the bench where she had left Eli, who was still sitting there somewhat hunched over, arms crossed tightly over her torso, eyes staring blankly down at the ground in front of her. She had barely said a word since they’d left the restaurant, but at least she was no longer sobbing and shaking. She seemed to have pulled herself back together and regained her composure, and You was thankful for that.

“Here,” You said as she approached the bench, holding one of the cups out towards Eli. Eli quickly looked up at her, and for a moment she almost seemed startled, despite the fact that You had clearly said she would be back in just a moment. She blinked once, and then twice, and then reached out for the cup, expression still remaining mostly neutral.

“You really didn’t have to do this…” Eli said softly, but You just dismissed her worries with a shake of her head.

“I know, but I wanted to. So don’t worry about it.” After handing Eli’s cup to her You sat down in the empty space beside her on the bench, and for a moment the two of them fell silent again. You was hoping that, now that the two of them were finally sitting somewhere quiet and alone, Eli might start to talk about what had happened, but as she looked over and saw the other woman taking a cautious sip of her steaming hot drink she couldn’t fault Eli for her priorities. Even after that sip there were still a few more seconds of silence, and it was only then that Eli finally spoke.

“I really am sorry this all had to happen,” she said. “I know this isn’t how anyone wants a first date to go. I’m sorry you had to get dragged into it.”

“It’s alright,” You replied. “I’m not upset about it. If anything I guess I’m just… Worried about you,” she admitted. “I know we’re still not super close or anything, and this might be kinda weird after we were just on a date, but… Do you wanna talk about it?” Her question prompted another few seconds of pause in Eli, likely while she asked herself that same question. Eventually, though, she nodded.

“I suppose you deserve an honest answer at this point,” she said. “The reason this all happened, the reason you saw me crying like that…  Is because I used to be in love with someone. Or at least… That’s what I would have said last night,” she went on, laughing bitterly at herself. “Now, after seeing myself in the condition I was just in, I guess it would be more accurate to say I’m still in love with her.”

You wasn’t sure why that answer hit her as hard as it did. It would have made sense for it to be disappointing, certainly. A statement like that acted as a fairly definitive nail in the coffin for any possibility she might have had of pursuing a relationship with Eli, and to that end it was entirely logical and reasonable for You to be saddened to hear it- but not this much. She had only known Eli a few weeks, and this had only been a first date. It wasn’t like she was head over heels in love with the woman. She’d gone on plenty of dates before that hadn’t worked out. So why did this in particular feel like such a horrible, twisting punch to her gut? Why did she feel like she had practically been laid flat by the force of those words? And why did this feeling and those words all seem so _familiar?_

In You’s shock, however, she still hadn’t given a proper reaction, and Eli seemed content to continue filling the silence on her own. It wouldn’t have felt right to interrupt her anyway.

“She was… She was everything to me,” Eli went on. “You would have known her- I mean, not personally. But Nozomi was just as famous as the rest of us,” she said, and You was hit by another wave of emotions. She wasn’t quite as sure how to characterize these ones, and she didn’t completely know what finding out Eli and Nozomi had dated was supposed to make her feel. In another context, she could imagine, it was the sort of thing that would have made her and the rest of Aqours (bar Dia, perhaps) giddy with excitement. But in this situation it felt oddly somber, and like something You wasn’t supposed to or didn’t need to know. If this had been kept from the public eye it was clearly a secret, but now it was suddenly one she was a part of.

“She was my entire world,” Eli went on. “My life, my future, _everything_. I loved her with everything that I was, and I really thought I would be with her forever. We talked about it. We had our entire lives planned. We were living together, we were going to get married, and I truly believed we had everything figured out. There was never even a question that anything could get in the way or tear us off that path, and it made me happier than I ever thought possible. And then one day that was all just… Upended. Torn out from under me.”

“I’m sorry…” You finally managed to say, her voice possibly even quieter than Eli’s now. “Did you two… Break up?”

“God, no,” Eli replied, shaking her head and suddenly looking like she was on the verge of crying again. “I wish that were the case. It would have been so much easier to accept.” And then there was another pause, before Eli confirmed what You had already started to suspect now. “She passed away.”

Even knowing that was coming, the words still hit You in a way she hadn’t expected. She wasn’t quite sure what it was about them that struck her so hard; was it simple empathy, making her feel some fraction of the pain Eli must have gone through? Or was it something more personal, feeling devastated to know that someone she had looked up to and revered for so long had died and she hadn’t even known about it? Regardless of where the pain was coming from, though, You still had to remind herself that it was nothing compared to what Eli must have been shouldering. Now wasn’t the time to make this about herself.

“I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that,” You said, her voice quiet and gentle now. “Can… Can I ask what happened…?”

“She got sick,” Eli replied. “And she never got better.” There was a pause after that, and even in the relative dim light of the moon and the streetlights You was able to see tears spilling over Eli’s eyes again. The older woman reached up to wipe those tears away, and in the silence You wasn’t sure if Eli was going to continue speaking, but after a few seconds she did. “She told me, when it became clear she didn’t have long left, that she didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life mourning her. She said all those things I think she felt she was supposed to say- even when she was the one who was dying, she was still trying to comfort me. She told me she wanted me to be able to smile again, that she hoped some day I would find love again, and that she would be watching happily when I did,” Eli said, punctuating that thought with a small bit of laughter through her tears. “And I told her I would. But… How was I supposed to follow through on that promise? How was I supposed to move on when I felt like my entire life had just collapsed around me? Do you know what that’s like, You-chan? To think you have everything so meticulously planned out, to feel this comfort in knowing all of the big questions in your life have already been answered, in knowing there’s nothing left to wonder or worry about, and then to have that ripped out from underneath you in a single moment? Do you know how devastating that is?”

At Eli’s question, You fell silent. That silence hovered for a few long moments as she weighed it in her mind, eyes slowly drifting away from Eli and down towards the ground in front of her. Her thoughts travelled backwards, towards any moment in which she thought she might have had a plan. They went to Uchiura, and Uranohoshi. The crushing blow of the school closing even when they had done all they could to keep it open. Aqours' first qualifiers, where they had come in dead last without a single vote to their name. They went to every setback, every failure, every moment where just wanting it hadn’t been enough, where she had tried her hardest and still fallen short. And then her thoughts went to Chika. To the years and years she had spent alongside her friend, harboring quiet feelings she never spoke about, only for someone else to come along and shatter any fantasies she might have had about a future. It was the same sensation, feeling like years and years had been ripped away from behind her, and feeling like the ones stretching out in front of her had suddenly become dark and uncertain and hopeless. And with those thoughts in mind, You gave her honest answer to Eli’s question.

“No,” she said. “I don’t think I have.” And it was the truth. Because as she looked back on it now, she realized all her fantasies about a life with Chika had only ever been exactly that: fantasies. Daydreams in the mind of a lovesick school girl weren’t plans or promises, and her wishful thinking about the way the future could turn out had always been held back by her own inaction, her own fear. She would never be with Chika, and no matter how many times her younger self had briefly escaped into that fantasy, it was something she had always known to be true. It had never even been a possibility. There was no future to lose, because the future had never been there to begin with. When standing next to what Eli had gone through, how could You even hope to compare the two? Why was it so hard for her to move on when Eli had been able to?

Then again, Eli hadn’t really been able to, had she?

“If you feel this way…” You said, still keeping her eyes turned towards the ground, “Why did you say yes? When I asked you out, I mean. Why didn’t you turn me down?”

“I think there are probably a few reasons for that,” Eli replied. “Some part of it was probably… Feeling like it was what Nozomi would have wanted me to do. If she really is out there somewhere watching over me, I can only imagine how frustrated she would get knowing I’m still single all these years later,” she said, once more laughing softly at the thought. "But beyond that… I think, in that moment, I really did believe I was ready. I hadn’t been looking for relationships or putting myself out there and trying to date, but when you dropped the opportunity into my lap… I think I really believed it was some kind of sign, and one I was prepared to face.” And then, a small sigh escaped her. “Clearly I was mistaken. Once again, I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing to me,” You insisted.

“Maybe not,” Eli replied, “but I feel as though I should. I really have enjoyed spending time with you, You-chan. The dancing, and the conversations… This sort of friendship is something that’s been sorely missing from my life for a while now, I think.”

“What about the other members of Muse?” You asked. “I know you said they’ve all moved to different places, but I feel like those are the sorts of people I’d wanna talk to the most after going through something like that…”

“You would think that,” Eli replied. “But it’s… It’s a little more complicated than that.” Whatever Eli was implying sparked some hesitant curiosity in You, and she looked up to see the other woman staring off blankly into the night. This suddenly felt like a sensitive topic, and You was nervous to pry too deeply, but Eli _was_ the one who had brought it up.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I mean… For a while, it was good to have the support of friends I loved so deeply when I was going through such a devastating time,” Eli explained. “For months afterward I barely even knew how to function anymore, and I don’t know what I would have done without them. But over time I was slowly starting to get better, remembering how to take care of myself, remembering how to laugh and smile and live as a person, and at a certain point… I think I got so tired of everyone looking at me as if they felt sorry for me all the time,” she said. And suddenly something clicked into place in You’s mind.

“I think… I think I get that,” she said. “You didn’t just want to be the person whose fiancee died, yeah?”

“Exactly,” Eli replied, nodding faintly. “I know they meant well, but over time I started to realize just how careful they were around me, how much they coddled me, how they tiptoed around the subject in my presence as if they were worried any small mention of her name would send me spiraling into another depressive breakdown. I was ready to move on. And I don’t think they understood that.”

“Yeah. I feel like I know what you mean…” You said. Not in the same way, but she felt it regardless. The night was slowly getting colder and colder, though, and the drinks they both still held cradled in their hands didn’t carry the same warmth they had before. You’s outfit, while decently warm, hadn’t prepared her to be sitting outside in conditions like these for so long, and a small shiver ran through her as a gust of wind cut across the park. “Hey. We probably shouldn’t stay out here too much longer.”

“No, I suppose not,” Eli agreed. “Maybe at this point we should just call it a night.” Not at all surprising to You- after everything that had just happened, she had hardly expected them to return to the restaurant and continue their date.

“Are you gonna be alright on your own?” she asked.

“I should be, yes,” Eli replied, nodding before lifting herself from the bench and getting back to her feet. After she was there she paused though, simply standing in place with her back to You, before looking back over her shoulder. “And, You-chan,” she said. “If you’ll permit me a selfish request… I really have enjoyed getting to become friends with you. Even if this date was, I think I can safely say, an unequivocal disaster, I hope we can remain friends going forward. I’d… I’d hate for this to be the last I see of you.”

“Of course,” You replied, smiling for perhaps the first time in the entire conversation. She stood up from the bench as well, bringing herself alongside Eli. From there she stretched an arm out towards the other woman, offering up a hand and stretching her smile just a little wider. “I’ll still see you at class, right?” Eli looked down at the hand being offered, then back up at You, hesitating for just a moment before she reached out to shake it.

“Deal,” she agreed. “And… Thank you. For everything. I know this night didn’t go the way it was supposed to, but I appreciate you taking the time to listen. I’m sorry for dumping all of this onto you.”

“You really don’t have to be sorry,” You replied. “If anything… I think it was actually good for me to hear some of that,” she said, breaking the handshake and pushing her hands down into the pockets of her shorts in some attempt to seek out any sliver of warmth. “It helped me realize a couple things.”

“Did it?” Eli asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yea,” You said, giving a small nod. “And now… Now, I think there’s something I need to do.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was cold at the edge of the train platform, and even underneath her coat You found herself shivering as a sharp gust of wind cut through her. That was something she hadn’t accounted for: in Tokyo, there were so many tall buildings blocking the wind that it was rare to ever get buffeted like this. But our here in rural Uchiura, where there were wide open spaces between small houses and an enormous expanse of ocean not that far away, the gusts hit a lot harder.

It was late in the day, the sun already starting to set, bathing the train station in an orange glow and casting long shadows along the platform. Off in the distance You could see lights in the windows of her hometown, and it made her realize just how long it had been since she’d last visited. Being back here brought a mixture of emotions- nostalgia, certainly, and a sense of familiarity and comfort, something that was often missing in a big city like Tokyo. But at the same time, there was something decidedly alienating about it. Like she wasn’t supposed to be there. Like a ghost, lingering in a house she had once called home far past her time.

You was snapped from her thoughts by the sound of tires crunching across gravel, and as she looked up she saw a pickup truck driving towards her, rocking a little bit as it made its way up the uneven path. It drove up to right in front of where You was standing before coming to a stop, and then the driver side window rolled down, and You saw a familiar face grinning at her.

“Long time no see, You-chan.”

“Kanan!” In an instant You was jumping off the edge of the train platform and running towards the truck, throwing herself forward towards a friend that she had, in fact, not see in far too long. They both stretched their arms out and locked each other into a hug, though it was a decidedly awkward one, with You still carrying her luggage and Kanan leaning out the window of a truck. Still, it was nice, and You didn’t have the patience to walk around to the passenger side or wait for Kanan to step out first.

“It’s good to see you again,” Kanan said, grunting the words out from her uncomfortable position.

“You too!” You replied. And she really did mean it. Despite the mixture of complicated feelings this whole trip was stirring up inside of her, seeing one of her oldest friends again caused her nothing but excitement. She hadn’t kept in contact with Kanan as much as she would have liked to- babies had a way of consuming someone’s life, and both Kanan and Dia seemed like they were lucky to get five minutes to themselves as of late.

“Hop in,” Kanan said, finally pulling away from the hug and gesturing around to the passenger side of the truck. “The others are waiting for us.” And that was what made a pit of nervousness drop back into You’s stomach. “The others” didn’t actually mean everyone in this case. With You’s visit being on such short notice Mari and Ruby had already been off galavanting around Europe, and they couldn’t just drop everything to fly back to Uchiura so suddenly. But Yoshiko and Hanamaru would be there, and Dia and Kanan would be there. And Riko would be there. And Chika would be there. But that was why You had come here in the first place. No sense in running away now.

At Kanan’s instruction You walked around to the other side of the truck, tossing her bag down on the floor by her feet before climbing into the seat. As soon as her door was shut and her seatbelt was on Kanan started to pull away from the train station, off the gravel road and onto something that was a bit more maintained. Even though You only rarely came out to this part of Uchiura, with nothing other than the train station really being out there, it was still filling her with that sense of nostalgia more and more. It was bizarre, seeing how similar everything looked. The streets, the houses, the trees, everything was exactly as she remembered it. If that was all she had been given to go off of, it would have been easy to think everything was still the same as it had once been. But the mere fact that Kanan was able to drive her around now was proof that wasn’t the case. As was You’s next question.

“So, how’s little Kotone been doing?” she asked. She didn’t get an immediate answer though, and when she looked over at Kanan she saw her friend sitting there with the most narrow eyed, dead inside expression she’d ever seen.

“She’s my daughter, and I love her,” Kanan replied. “But I have not slept in three days.”

“Are you sure you should be driving right now?”

“Not even a little.” You laughed, but the fact that they weren’t careening off the road yet made her think Kanan’s exhaustion was at least a little bit exaggerated. Still, she could hardly even imagine what it must have been like to be a parent. She could barely even manage to keep her own life together, and Kanan was only a year older than she was. To be responsible for an entire human life? Even if that responsibility was shared with someone else, that was still something she could barely even begin to wrap her head around.

The further they got into Uchiura the more familiar everything started to feel, and You began to see buildings that she not only recognized but had specific memories of. Places she had passed on her way to and from school, places she had hung out at with Chika and Riko and the other members of Aqours, streets Riko had ran down screaming while being chased by dogs. It all felt so familiar, and it felt good to be back. But at the same time, she still couldn’t shake that feeling that she didn’t belong here.

And then the truck rounded a corner into a driveway, and You found herself staring at the Takami family inn. It had been ages since she had come here, and simply seeing the building caused her gut to twist in on itself. Once upon a time this had been like a second home to her, and she had stopped by to hang out there nearly every single day. But now, years later, the thought of going inside terrified her.

“You okay?” You heard Kanan ask, and she jumped a bit as she realized her nervousness must have been showing on her face. She quickly forced herself to smile again, looking over at Kanan and nodding enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” she promised. “Just kinda weird  being back here, you know? It’s got me kinda nervous.”

“Well let’s get inside,” Kanan said, already opening her door and climbing out of the truck. “I’m sure you’ll feel better once you see everyone.”

“Yeah. Probably,” You lied. She hopped out of the truck just as Kanan had, heart still pounding away at the inside of her chest as she followed her friend up the path towards the front door. As they reached the entrance to the Takami household You prepared herself to knock, but Kanan didn’t even bother to do that. Instead she just stepped forward and threw open the door to the inside of the house. And, for the first time in years now, You saw almost all of her friends gathered together in one room.

Yoshiko and Hanamaru were both there, sitting in front of the table, Hanamaru staring hungrily at the mountain of takeout they had ordered for this reunion while Yoshiko kept an arm around her girlfriend to hold her back until they were ready to start eating. On the couch behind them was Dia, sitting upright and cradling a baby You had never met before in her arms, and beside her was Riko, leaning over and smiling as she let the little girl grab at her finger with tiny hands that she still didn’t fully understand how to use. And then, beside Riko, there was Chika. Her eyes shot to the door the moment it opened, locking onto You’s. And before anyone else had the chance to even react Chika was on her feet, bolting across the room at full speed.

“YOU!” she shouted, barrelling across the floor as fast as her legs would carry her.

“Chika!” You shouted back. And then Chika was on top of her, throwing herself forward with enough force to send You stumbling back into the driveway a few steps. She still managed to catch Chika, though, wrapping her arms around her best friend as tightly as she could while an enormous smile stretched over her face. She felt like she wanted to cry, and she couldn’t tell where it was coming from, but she knew at least some part of her was happy. Chika was hugging back just as tightly too, and it almost felt like she was about to crush You’s ribs, but You didn’t mind. She would have been perfectly content to keep hugging Chika like that forever. As the two of them embraced, though, she heard other voices starting to call out from inside the house as well.

“Don’t hog her!” Yoshiko shouted. “We all wanna see her too!”

“Does this mean we can eat now, zura?”

“Everyone stop shouting! You’ll upset Kotone.”

“It’s good to see you again, You-chan.” And as she heard that last voice You looked past Chika, into the room, and she locked eyes with Riko. Riko was still sitting on the couch, finger trapped in the not-so-vice-like grip of a baby, but now she was staring across the room and smiling at You. You stared back for a few moments, and then she smiled as well, nodding over Chika’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” she replied. “It’s good to see you too.” Chika finally unwrapped her arms from around You and took a step backwards, but it was only a moment later that she was grabbing You by the hand and tugging her into the room.

“C’mon, c’mon!” she urged. “You’ve gotta meet Kotone-chan!”

“Can’t we eat nowwww?” Hanamaru whined, slumping forward even more onto the table.

“Baby first, food later!” Yoshiko scolded. “You’re so impatient!” You simply laughed as she was dragged across the room, eventually coming to a stop in front of Dia, and in front of the baby cradled in her lap.

“I’m glad you were finally able to come visit, You-chan,” Dia said, looking up at You and offering a soft smile. “Kotone has gone far too long without meeting her Aunt You.” The moment You heard Dia say those words, it sparked something strange inside of her. She had always talked about being the cool aunt to all of her friends’ children, and in the abstract that had always been fine. Even after Kanan and Dia had announced they were going to adopt a baby, even after they had actually done it, it had still felt like this nebulous concept, floating off in a space that could never really feel real. But now, as You crouched down to bring herself closer to the baby girl in Dia’s lap, it all hit her at once. This was a tiny human being, and even though she was too young to understand anything that was happening around her right now, she really would be involved in the rest of You’s life from here on out. You barely even knew how to process a realization like that, and she ended up falling silent as she stretched a finger out towards the baby in the same way Riko had. Just as before, Kotone reached up to try to grab hold of it, though her tiny hands could barely manage to get a grip at all.

“She seems to like it when people do that,” Riko said, looking down at Kotone from beside Dia. “She’s cute, isn’t she?”

“Yeah…” You agreed, voice almost sounding breathless before she looked up at Dia. “I can still barely believe you and Kanan are actually moms now.”

“For what it’s worth, I can still barely believe it either,” Dia replied. “There are still days where I expect to wake up and realize this whole portion of my life has been a dream.”

“I’d just be happy to wake up and realize I dreamed about anything at all,” Kanan chimed in, coming up behind You. “When was the last time you got to sleep for more than five minutes at a time?”

“When Ruby took her for a night.”

“Oh yeah!” You said, finally finding words again as she pulled her eyes up from the baby to look at Dia. “How’s Ruby-chan doing anyway?” The question prompted a slight scowl from Dia, which wasn’t really surprising. She had never exactly been fond of Mari dating her younger sister, and she hadn’t ever tried to keep that a secret.

“They should be arriving in Barcelona right about now,” she replied. “And I’m sure Mari will have her one single meeting to claim this was for business before she starts spoiling Ruby with all sorts of fancy foods and souvenirs she doesn't actually need.”

“Stress levels, babe,” Kanan interjected.

“Easy for you to say,” Dia muttered back. “You’ve never had a sister.”

“Can we pleaaaaaase eat now?” Hanamaru groaned from the table, and with some laughter You finally looked back at her.

“Alright, yeah,” she agreed. “Let’s eat!”

“Okay!” Chika said, clapping her hands and bouncing past You as she bounded towards the table. “Everyone dig in! We got plenty of food, so everyone have as much as you want!”

“That doesn’t apply to you, Zuramaru!” Yoshiko cut in. “Leave some for the rest of us!”

“But I haven’t eaten all dayyyyyyyyy,” Hanamaru whined.

“We ate breakfast together!”

“You have Kotone’s baby food, right?” Dia asked.

“Yeah,” Kanan replied. “Out in the truck. I’ll go grab it.”

“Riko!” Chika called out. “You ordered the gyoza I like, right?”

“They’re on the corner, dear.” As everyone scrambled for plates and food and a spot at the table the room quickly devolved into chaos, voices shouting over each other as people fought over a seat or a particular piece of tonkatsu they wanted. It was a familiar chaos, one You realized she had come to miss over the past few years. As she sat down at the table, surrounded by the sort of organized madness that had once been such a standard part of her day to day routine, she realized she was truly happy to be back.

* * *

Dinner lasted a long time, bites of food interspersed with long stories about everything You had missed while she had been gone, and everything the others had missed while she had been away. It wasn’t long before the topic of Eli was broached, unsurprisingly, and You found herself grilled by questions from all around the table about how they had met, and how their date had gone. She gave simple answers, avoiding some of the more unpleasant truths that had come up the last time she had seen Eli, and those answers at least seemed to be enough to satisfy the prying curiosity of her friends, much to You’s relief.

From there the conversation twisted and turned, following long, winding paths from one topic to the next. It was the sort of conversation that was easy to lose track of, the sort that left You sitting there looking at what they were talking about at the moment and wondering how the hell they had even gotten there in the first place. Hanamaru and Yoshiko talked about the ski trip they had taken, which lead to reminiscing about the blizzards they had faced when they had all traveled to Hakodate, and then about Sarah and Leah, and then about Ruby, and then about Barcelona, and then about Dia’s blood pressure. They all shouted to be heard over each other as the conversation grew increasingly raucous, they laughed until their faces were sore, they ate until their stomachs hurt, and You realized just how much she had fucking _missed_ this.

But just like the first time around, nothing could last forever. As the night went on the conversation slowly started to dwindle, plates were cleared, people started to slump against furniture in food-induced comas. Hanamaru seemed to have it the worst, looking like she was barely even able to move while Yoshiko scolded her with a haughty “I told you so,” though Dia and Kanan also looked like the last of their already very limited parental energy was fading fast.

“We should probably be heading home,” Dia eventually said, looking down at the exhausted baby resting in her lap. “It’s already well past this one’s bedtime.”

“Pretty sure it’s getting close to your bedtime too,” Kanan teased, standing up from the table. “You drove your own car here, yeah?”

“I’m not letting our child into that metal deathtrap you call a vehicle.”

“I’ll go get your car started then,” Kanan laughed. “Chika-chan, is it cool if I leave my truck here and pick it up tomorrow?”

“Sure!” Chika replied.

“Thanks.” And then Kanan turned her attention to You. “You’re still gonna be here through tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah! My train back doesn’t leave until the evening.”

“Cool. I’ll make sure we see you again before you head out.”

“Sounds good!” With that Kanan grabbed Dia’s keys from her, heading out into the driveway to start up the car. Dia stood up a moment later, cradling Kotone against her chest as she did.

“Thank you for dinner, everyone, and thank you for hosting us, Chika-chan. We’ll see you tomorrow, You-chan.”

“Yeah, see you then!” You watched as Dia followed her wife out the door, then looked around at the people who were still left behind. Hanamaru looked like she had completely collapsed by this point, slumped down into a heap against the foot of the couch, while Yoshiko and Chika were both poking and prodding at her, trying to get her to stand back up. Riko, meanwhile, had set about cleaning up some of the dishes and containers that had come to cover the table during the meal, in what You found to be typical Riko fashion. Forcing herself up from the table You walked over to where Chika and the former first years were gathered, coming up behind Chika and putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” she said, causing Chika to pull her attention away from Hanamaru and look up at her.

“Huh?” Chika replied. “What’s up?”

“I’m gonna go down to the dock. I miss that place. Come meet me there in a few minutes?” You asked. “I wanna talk to you about something.”

“Uh, yeah. Alright,” Chika agreed, though she was clearly confused, and perhaps a bit concerned, about whatever You wanted to say to her. She didn’t ask any further questions, though, and You just smiled at her as she turned and walked out of the room. With Hanamaru practically comatose, Yoshiko still focused on her, and Riko off in the kitchen, it didn’t seem like anyone else even noticed as You stepped out into the night.

The air outside was freezing by this point, but somehow, it didn’t bother You as much as it had back at the train station. Maybe it was just because she was a little nervous right now, but the cold air actually felt strangely calming. The street was, unsurprisingly, empty come this time of night, and You didn’t see a single car approaching from either direction as she wandered across it and down towards the beach. She hadn’t bothered to put shoes on, and she could feel sand crunching underneath her socks as she walked down towards the water, turning parallel to the shoreline once she got close enough to start approaching the dock. She remembered spending so much time there when she had been younger, dating back about as far as her memories did, hanging out there with Chika and Kanan and Riko for countless hours after school or during summer vacation. As she stepped onto the dock the concrete felt smooth under her feet, though she could still feel the sand that was stuck to her socks now as well, and she knew it would be a pain to get rid of. But that was a problem for future You.

She walked all the way to the end of the dock before she stopped, staring out over the water and the waves that looked so dark and inky after the sun had gone down. More cold wind cut across the ocean and sent a chill through her, but she continued to find it a reassurance. Her stomach was turning itself inside out at this point, and as she looked down she realized her hands were shaking from what she assumed had to be more than just the cold. Part of her still wondered if she was doing the right thing, if going through with this was actually for the best, or if she was just about to make the biggest mistake of her life. But she had already come all the way out here to Uchiura. She had already asked Chika to meet her out here. It seemed a little too late to turn back now.

As her nerves grew worse she thought back to her conversation with Eli earlier that week, everything that had been said, everything it had made her realize about herself. She knew this wouldn’t be easy, but if there was one thing talking to Eli had made her realize it was that these things were _never_ easy. She had spent long enough being scared. She was tired of being scared. It was finally time to start moving forward.

As You stood there silently whispering these reassurances to herself, she heard footsteps clunk onto the dock behind her. Her stomach felt like it was somehow in her throat and in her gut at the same time, and even clutching her hands together in front of her chest she still couldn’t keep them steady. But she had to do this. It was time.

“It’s really beautiful out here at night, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes,” Riko replied. “It is.” And You’s blood ran cold. For a moment she was completely frozen in place, unable to move, unable to even _think_ , and then she was twisting around so quickly she nearly lost her footing in the process, heart feeling like it was about to break out of her ribs as her eyes landed on her old friend.

“Riko-chan!” she blurted out. “I, uh- I wasn’t expecting you! I-”

“I know,” Riko replied. She was serious and composed, even more so than usual, but beyond that it was almost impossible to read any sort of emotion from her voice or her tone. She was standing upright, hands folded in front of her, face almost entirely expressionless as she stood at the end of the other end of the dock, staring at You from across the distance. “Chika told me you asked her to come out here. But I wanted a minute to talk to you by myself.”

“O-Okay,” You replied, cursing her voice for feeling so weak all of a sudden. It wasn’t like her to stutter or stammer, but now she felt like she couldn’t stop herself. She still didn’t know what Riko wanted, and that not knowing terrified her. “What’s up?” she asked. And then Riko said the worst thing she possibly could have said.

“You’re going to tell Chika you’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Prior to that moment You’s chest felt like it had been beating a thousand times a minute, but now, suddenly, she could swear it had stopped. Every muscle in her body was frozen in place, her mind had gone blank, and all she could do was choke out the most pathetic excuse for a response.

“Riko- I-”

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Riko interrupted, shaking her head at whatever weak denial You might have been about to give. “I’m not clueless. I know you feel that way about her. I’ve known since… Nearly since I first met the two of you. So please, don’t lie to me,” she urged. “Just… Just tell me truth. Is that why you called her out here?” Once again, You didn’t know how to respond. At first she was silent, unable to find the right words to answer Riko’s question. She held Riko’s gaze for a few more seconds before her eyes ended up dropping, falling down towards the dock, towards her own feet. Her hands squeezed tightly together, trying to burn off the excess nervousness, the sudden wave of _guilt_ she now felt, but she didn’t seem to be able to do anything about it.

“Yes…” she finally ended up saying, voice so soft it nearly got lost to the gentle crashing of the waves behind them. Saying that out loud to someone felt like an enormous weight finally being lifted off her shoulders, but saying it to Riko ensured a new weight came along to replace it just as quickly. “It is,” You confessed. “But… But I swear, I wasn’t trying to steal her from you!” she quickly added on. “I know you two love each other, and I would never try to get in the way of that! I want you both to be happy. I just- I needed to tell her. I need her to know. I need-”

“I know,” Riko interrupted, startling You enough to lift her head again. “And I’m not angry.” As You’s eyes fell upon Riko, she could see that appeared to be the truth. Riko didn’t look angry. She still looked calm, composed, serious, but not angry. If anything, she almost looked… Sad. “I know you’re not the sort of person who would ever do something like that,” she continued. “I trust you. And… And I know this will probably make the most selfish friend in the entire world. I know I’m probably being a terrible, thoughtless, self-centered person for asking this of you. But… Please,” she said, voice suddenly wavering. “Please, don’t do this.”

“Riko…” You replied, and even across the distance she could see tears starting to form in her friend’s eyes, could see her composure slowly starting to crumble. “I- I have to. I’ve been in love with her for so long. And… Until I tell her, until I stop keeping this a secret- I’m not gonna take her from you,” she tried to promise. “I’m not gonna get in the way of what you two have. But I just… I need to do this. I need her to know that I-”

“I know,” Riko repeated. “I know that you don’t mean to get between the two of us. But- But I also know you would. I know Chika, and you know her maybe even better than I do. And I know- I know how much she cares about you,” Riko said, voice cracking as she became more and more unsteady. “I know how much you mean to her. And I know- I know that if she ever thought, even for a moment, that being with me was hurting you, she- She- Please,” Riko begged. “Please. I know how heartless I have to be to ask something like this of you, and I’ll- I’ll do anything I can to make it up to you, but I- I love her. And I know you love her too, and I know I’m a monster for saying and doing everything I’ve said and done, and if you hate me for the rest of my life I’ll understand but _please_ , I’m _begging_ you-”

“Fine.” This time it was You who cut Riko off. The single word cut through the noise of the waves, through Riko’s choked out pleas, and in a moment Riko had fallen silent again. As she looked down the dock through her tear-filled eyes she saw You had lowered her head again, balling up her fists tightly by her sides, and Riko couldn’t make out her face. For a moment Riko was silent, having a hard time believing what she had just heard, and then she let out a sigh of relief she felt like she had been holding in for eight long years at this point.

“Thank you…” she whispered, tears still running down her cheeks as she slowly started to approach You. “And… And I really do mean it. Anything I can do to make this up to you, anything at all-”

“I don’t want anything from you right now,” You said, still keeping her head low, face hidden by her hair. “I just wanna be left alone.” Riko fell silent when she heard that, stopping where she was halfway across the dock. Her hands were still folded in front of her, and they fidgeted nervously for a few seconds before asking a question that had been weighing heavy on her own chest for far too long now.

“Do you hate me?” Another long pause followed that, and in that moment Riko prepared herself to hear the worst.

“No,” You eventually replied. “I don’t.”

“For a long time now,” Riko went on. “I’ve… I’ve worried that you’ve hated me. Every time we’ve seen each other, every time we’ve spoken, it feels like… Ever since Chika and I started dating, it’s felt like you’ve hated me…”

“I don’t,” You insisted. “I never have.”

“Then… Then how did we end up here?” Riko asked. “Why does it feel this way? Why does it feel like… Like I’ve lost you?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” You said, and Riko could see her fists clench even more tightly.

“I do,” Riko replied, nodding slowly.

“It happened because… Because I couldn’t stand being around you anymore,” You said. “Because ever since you and Chika started dating, ever since you two became a couple… I got so fucking sick of you looking at me like you were sad all the time.”

It had taken a long time for You to realize that’s what it was. For years she had just known that being around Riko made her feel _bad_ , and she had never been able to understand why. Every time they were around each other, every time they spoke to each other, she walked away feeling bad about herself. She was left with this uneasy sensation in her stomach, this intangible, indecipherable negativity that she had never been able to put a name to, had never been able to identify or understand. For a long time she had been willing to think that it was jealousy, or heartbreak, or resentment towards Riko for stealing away the girl she loved, but none of that had ever felt right. It was only after her conversation with Eli that everything had finally, suddenly made sense, and hearing Riko say she knew how You felt about Chika only confirmed it: from the very first moment Riko had started dating Chika, she had pitied You.

“You…” Riko said, though You still refused to lift her head and look directly at her. There were tears in You’s eyes now, and she didn’t want Riko to see her like this. If she was trying to convince her old friend she wasn’t someone who was sad or pathetic or needed sympathy, this wasn’t a very good way to do it. “I don’t understand…” Riko went on. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… Ever since you and Chika started dating,” You explained, digging her nails into her palms to try to keep herself from breaking down completely. “You’ve acted like you feel bad for me. I didn’t realize that’s what it was, until just a few days ago. But for years and years, every time you’ve looked at me I’ve just seen… Pity. You stopped looking at me like a friend. Now you just look at me like someone you feel sorry for.”

“I… Maybe that is how I feel,” Riko quietly admitted. “I knew, even before I started dating Chika, that you felt this way about her… And so, I think I did feel bad- and I think I still do. I just… You’re my friend, You-chan. I want you to be happy. And after feeling like I got in the way of that, after feeling like I stole Chika from you-”

“Do you think I give a shit about that?” You snapped, head finally whipping up as her eyes locked onto Riko’s, tears still leaving tracts down her cheeks. “Do you think I cared about that? Do you think I’m the sort of person who would hold that against you?”

“You-chan-”

“I never cared about that! I mean- Fuck,” You hissed, trying to wipe some of the tears from her eyes with the back of her hands. “I _cared_. Of course I cared. Losing my chance with someone I loved was never gonna be easy. But I could deal with it. But this,” she said, gesturing vaguely to herself, to Riko, to the entire situation they were in. “This turned into so much more than that. I didn’t just lose my chance to be with Chika. I lost two of my best friends. And I can’t fucking handle that. I miss you, Riko,” she choked out. “I miss you so fucking much, and I just wish- I just wish we could go back to the way things used to be.”

You’s vision was so blurred by her tears now that she could barely see anything, and her constant attempts to wipe them away were proving futile. She finally gave up, simply screwing her eyes shut as she let her hands and her head drop back down. She hated herself for crying like this, especially in front of Riko, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. She just wanted to run back to the train station and return to Tokyo and never look back, or maybe expedite the whole process by throwing herself into the ocean right here and now. She wanted to shrink down into nothingness, to vanish, to never have to face any of these thoughts or any of these feelings or any of these people again.

And then she felt arms around her, wrapping around her tightly, and You realized Riko was hugging her. As she lifted her head, You also realized Riko was crying now too, shaking as she clung to her. You hadn’t even heard Riko approaching, but now that her old friend was right in front of her, You could hear her choking out words through her tears.

“I’m sorry,” Riko whispered. “I’m- I’m so sorry. I thought you must have hated me. I thought- I thought you would never forgive me after what I d-did. I just- I just wanted you to be happy. I’m so, so sorry.” For a moment You just stood there, caught off guard, surprised, unsure of how to react. And then she was hugging back, clinging to Riko just as tightly as Riko was clinging to her while a fresh wave of tears started to run down her face. This time, though, they weren’t entirely ones of sadness.

“I never had anything to forgive you for,” she whispered back. “I could never hate you. I just- I just wanted my friends back.”

“I’ve missed you, You-chan,” Riko choked out. “I’ve missed you so, so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” You replied. “It’s good to be back.”


	7. Chapter 7

You had never thought she would actually miss Tokyo. The city had always felt so large and imposing, so packed full of intimidating buildings and intimidating people, and she never saw it as the sort of place she would be happy to come back to. She had spent countless days missing Uchiura, missing the beaches, the friendly neighbors, the small town atmosphere. But now, after actually spending two days back there, she found herself feeling a bizarre, similar sort of homesickness for Tokyo. Maybe she just wanted to be back in her familiar bed that badly.

The days were gradually getting shorter as the gentle chill of early fall gave way to the biting promise of an oncoming winter, and it was already nearly dark as You made her way down the sidewalk, heading towards the dance studio. She wasn’t entirely sure what it would be like, seeing Eli again after the way things had gone the last time, but there were quite a few thoughts bouncing around in her head. Regardless of how their conversations actually went, she at least hoped spending some time in Eli’s presence would help some of them sort themselves out.

As You continued down the street she felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and as she dug it out she saw a text lighting up her screen, from Riko. “We’re babysitting tonight. Kanan-chan and Dia-chan seemed like they could use the break,” it said, followed by an attached picture of Kotone sitting in a high chair while Chika attempted to feed her. You smiled when she saw the picture, though only a second later that smile turned to a malicious grin.

“they probably ran back home and started fucking like wild the minute you took the baby off their hands,” she sent back. And, just a few moments after, she received a response.

“Please don’t put that thought in my head,” Riko said, followed up by a string of distraught looking emojis. You sent back a series of laughing emojis, still grinning as she locked her phone. She went to put it back in her pocket, though in doing so she felt something get snagged, and she looked down to see a little charm caught on the edge of her sweatpants. She still wasn’t used to having that there.

“We got you a gift!” Chika had said. She had come to the train station to see You off, along with Riko and Kanan. The four of them had gathered around the base of the platform, You with her luggage in tow ready to set off on her trip back to Tokyo, when Chika had surprised her with that announcement. And, to add onto You’s confusion, she had produced a small gift wrapped box, which she was now holding out in front of her.

“A gift?” You replied, staring down at the box and blinking a few times. “You guys really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“So you have no problem with making me drive you all over the place but a gift is where you draw the line?” Kanan teased. “Cut the modesty crap and just take it.” The ribbing made You laugh a bit, and she ended up nodding, reaching out to accept the box from Chika. Once she had it she carefully started to undo the ribbon that held the lid in place, before lifting that lid up to peer at what was inside: a small plastic phone charm, in the shape of Uchichi the walrus.

“We figured Tokyo might still feel a bit big and hectic sometimes,” Riko explained. “So we thought you might like having something little like that to remind you of home.”

“And to remind you that we’re still here!” Chika added on. “So maybe next time it won’t be so long before you visit!”

“It definitely won’t be,” You chuckled, pulling her phone from her pocket so she could attach the charm right then and there. Chika took the box back to hold it as You fastened the charm in place, and just a moment later she was holding up her phone and showing it off. “Well?” she said. “What do you guys think?”

“It looks soooooo cute!” Chika said, practically bouncing with excitement. “So now you’ll have that to make you feel a little less homesick the next time you miss the beaches or the-” And then Chika cut herself off, eyes going wide as she was struck by a sudden realization. “Oh my god! I totally forgot to come find you at the docks last night!” You was startled to hear that, and it actually took her a moment to figure out what Chika was talking about and remember that she had, in fact, originally asked Chika to meet her there prior to her conversation with Riko. After realizing what Chika meant, though, a smile crossed over her face, and she found herself looking over at Riko, who was smiling softly back at her.

“That’s alright,” You promised Chika. “Riko-chan came and joined me. We had a nice talk out there.”

“I’m soooooorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” Chika whined, hanging her head and still, apparently, not forgiving herself.

“Really, dear, it’s okay,” Riko chimed in, putting a hand on Chika’s back. “We had a good conversation out there. It was nice to get some time with each other. Wasn’t it, You-chan?”

“Yeah,” You replied, nodding. “It was.”

From there Kanan had helped You lug her bags up onto the train platform (even though they weren’t that heavy she had insisted anyway), and all three of them had waited with You until her train finally arrived. Hugs and emotional goodbyes were given, along with promises that she would come back soon, and Chika and Riko had even discussed coming to Tokyo for wedding dress shopping, since there would be far more options in a big city than there would be in Uchiura. Her friends stood on the platform and waved as the train pulled away, and You waved back through the window until they finally disappeared from view.

Now, back in Tokyo, she found herself standing on the street in front of the dance studio once again. As she pushed open the door and entered into the narrow staircase that lead up she felt a bizarre nervousness in her stomach- sort of like the nervousness she had felt before going on that one date with Eli, though there was something slightly different about it now. That made sense to You, though. She still wasn’t sure what it would be like once they were actually around each other again, and she could only hope that it wasn’t too awkward.

You reached the top of the stairs and, with a deep breath, pushed open the door, though when she entered into the studio a quick look around the room told her Eli hadn’t arrived yet. She didn’t actually know whether that was better or worse, since it really just gave her more time to dread, and she ended up sitting down near the edge of the room, simply waiting for Eli to arrive.

As more time passed more people started to filter into the room, some couples entering together while others met their partner there and began to talk, but You still didn’t see any sign of Eli. The longer that went on the more concerned and the more nervous she started to get, and as she continuously glanced at her phone she found the time getting closer and closer to when they were supposed to start. Eventually it was seven o’clock on the dot, and Eli had still yet to show up. The instructor walked to the front of the room and was about to begin, when You raised her hand to interrupt with a question.

“Excuse me?” she said, and the instructor looked towards her.

“Yes?” the woman replied.

“My partner isn’t here. I don’t suppose she said anything to you about not coming tonight?” A faint look of concern crossed over the instructor’s face when she heard that, and she shook her head.

“No, she didn't.” That time it was You who was concerned, though she only let that concern plague her for a moment before making a quick decision.

“I’m gonna go give her a call.” You excused herself from the room after that, pulling her phone back out as she bounced down the stairs and exited onto the sidewalk once again. She navigated to Eli’s contact, though before she pressed the call button she ended up hesitating. Suddenly, she found herself wondering whether this was really an okay thing to be doing, or whether this would somehow be intrusive. She had no way of knowing whether Eli’s absence was related to what they had talked about before, or whether it was a simple coincidence, but if the two were connected somehow it seemed like a heavy topic to pry into. At the same time, though, they had both agreed that they wanted to remain friends even after the date had gone poorly, and Eli had said she would be at their class this week. With those thoughts in mind, You decided it was justifiable for her to call.

That still didn’t stop her from being nervous as she finally hit the button and raised the phone to her ear. She listened as it rang, and then rang again, and continued ringing a few more times over, until she finally heard a noise on the other end. There was a click, followed by a brief silence, and then a voice.

“Hello…?” You heard Eli say. She sounded quieter than usual, almost like she was tired or exhausted, and for a second You was thrown by it.

“Hey,” she replied. “I was just at class. Are you coming today?”

“Oh… I’m terribly sorry for not saying something,” Eli said. “I’m just… Not feeling the greatest today. I was planning to stay home tonight.” You had a feeling “not feeling the greatest” was more of a mental thing than a physical on in this instance, but she didn’t feel it was appropriate to say as much. She also could have tried to come up with a dozen different excuses as to why she still wanted Eli to come to class or wanted to find another way to see her, but in the end she just decided to be honest.

“Well, I was kinda hoping to talk to you about some stuff,” she admitted. “It doesn’t have to be at class, but… Do you think there’s somewhere I could meet you?” The question prompted another short pause, and then You could hear Eli sighing on the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry, You-chan,” she said. “I’m really just not feeling well, and the thought of going out anywhere-”

“Then I’ll come to you,” You interrupted, before quickly starting to walk back what she had just said. “I mean- If that’s alright with you. I can come over to your place, you don’t have to go anywhere. I’d just really like to be able to talk to your for a little bit.” One more pause, and then Eli finally agreed.

“Alright,” she said, though she still had that same note of exhaustion in her voice. “I’ll send you my address. It’s not that far from the studio.”

“Thank you,” You replied. “I’ll be there soon.”

* * *

Eli’s apartment building looked relatively unassuming from the outside. Around five stories high, made of dark brick, rows of narrow windows all lined up neatly along the exterior. As You arrived she found that the font door was, unsurprisingly, locked, but thankfully she lived in an era of cell phones. After taking one last glance at the address to make sure she was in the right place You unlocked her phone, sending a quick “I’m here” text to Eli.

“I’ll be right down,” Eli replied, and once more You was left to wait. Peering in through the glass door she was able to make out something of an entryway inside, with an elevator and a staircase in the back, but there really wasn’t much to notice about it. Maybe she was just trying to distract herself.

After a minute or two of waiting the door to the stairwell came open, and You saw Eli walking across the entryway towards her, until she reached the front door and opened it up.

“Hey,” You said, stepping inside as Eli ushered her in.

“Hi,” Eli replied. “You didn’t have too much trouble finding this place, I hope?”

“Nah, I got here just fine.” As You stepped past Eli into the entryway she was able to get a better look at the older woman, and in doing so she could see that Eli seemed just a little bit more tired than usual. It was hard to pinpoint an exact thing that seemed off about her, and maybe it was all just in You’s head, but something simply felt _different_. Eli looked worn out, in the same way she had sounded worn out when they had been talking over the phone.

“This way,” Eli said, walking back towards the stairwell and motioning for You to follow. Deciding to put any further attempts at deduction on the backburner You simply followed after her, and Eli lead her up two flights of stairs before stepping out into the hall. From there she lead You down and around a corner, before finally stopping in front of a door that she then pushed open. And as You stepped up behind her, she got her first view of Eli’s apartment.

Her first reaction was that it was messier than she expected. That wasn’t to say it was actually messy by an objective standard, but in her head You had sort of expected Eli to be the kind of person to keep her living space entirely spotless, the same way Dia always had. Instead there was a sweatshirt tossed over the back of a chair, a few dishes in the sink, some mail scattered across the table. Eli’s apartment was a bit larger than You’s, with enough space to have a dining area distinct from the living area. There was a TV sitting on top of a set of shelves in the living room, along with a large arm chair and couch, and the furniture actually looked a little bit crammed into the space, as if there wasn’t quite enough room for it. Further down there was a little offshoot of the room that could just barely be called a hall, with two doors that You assumed led to Eli’s bedroom and the bathroom.

As she continued to look around the space further You also took notice of some of the decorations and paraphernalia sitting around. Sitting on one of the shelves were a few pictures that looked like photos of Eli’s family, of her surrounded by people who all had similar hair and similar eyes. There were also some pieces of memorabilia that You could recognize as μ's merchandise, and she supposed it made sense that Eli might keep one or two of those around as a pleasant reminder of the good old days- she would be lying if she said she didn’t still have an Aqours group photo tucked away in her own apartment. There was a small trophy on one of the shelves as well, though You was far enough away that she couldn’t make out if it was from an idol event like Love Live, or simply something unrelated. And then, as her eyes continued along the shelves, they fell upon one more item that stood out to her: a photograph of Eli and Nozomi.

The two of them were sitting next to each other on what seemed to be a short brick wall, leaning against one another and holding hands, and You could see rings prominently displayed on both of their fingers, leading her to assume it might have been an engagement photo. In looking at it, she suddenly realized the full gravity of the situation she was facing: in that photo, Eli looked _happy_ . You had seen Eli smile before. She had seen her laugh. She had seen her on days where Eli seemed to be in a good mood, seemed to be having fun with their dance classes, with the one date they had gone on. But when she looked at that photo, when she saw the sheer, blissful, carefree _joy_ written across Eli’s face, written in her smile, in her eyes, in the laughter she could somehow hear from that silent photo, You realized she had never seen Eli truly happy. She had never even come close. And knowing that, You suddenly started to have second thoughts about what she was doing here. But she wasn’t given long to dwell on them.

“Have a seat,” she heard Eli say, and she looked over her shoulder to find the other woman already sitting down in the arm chair. Still slightly unsure of herself, and suddenly feeling very awkward and out of place, You went over to the couch, sitting down near the center of it before Eli spoke again. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Right,” You said, and in that moment she realized she had no clue what to say. She hadn’t come in here unprepared, and she had spent the past few days figuring out everything she wanted to say to Eli when she saw her again. Admittedly she had expected that to be after dance class, rather than sitting in the middle of Eli’s apartment, and that alone was already having an effect on her, making it harder to stick to her script. But beyond that, she was dealing with the simple fact that these things were always easier in theory than they turned out to be in practice.

“I went back to Uchiura,” You eventually said, deciding that was as good a place to start with all of this as any. Eli raised an eyebrow when she heard that, though her reaction was understated, and You realized those words probably weren’t as meaningful to Eli as they were to herself. That was what the next part was for. “I went back there because… Because I’m in love with my best friend.”

“Oh…” Eli replied, and it was clear she didn’t know how to respond to that. But You didn’t need a response.

“I’ve been in love with her for a really long time,” You went on. “For… Probably as long as I can remember, ever since we were young. But she’s with another one of my closest friends now, and they’re going to get married, and I’m really really happy for them,” she said. “And it’s just been this big, weird, shitty thing in my life for so long, always sort of hanging over me and holding me back. I think… I think it wasn’t until recently that I finally realized how bad it was, though,” she admitted. “I think it wasn’t until… Until I heard you talk about Nozomi.” A silence fell over them after that, and now You could finally see a reaction on Eli’s face. It was hard to tell exactly what it actually conveyed, but it seemed to be more surprise than anything.

“So, in going back to Uchiura…” Eli eventually said. “Was your intention… To deal with that?”

“Yeah,” You replied, nodding. “It was. I planned to confess to her. Not because I thought anything would happen, but just… To finally get it off my chest, you know? I thought I would feel better if I did.”

“And do you?”

“Well… I never actually ended up telling her,” You explained, laughing softly. “But I think, now, maybe that was for the best anyway. I still got what I needed out of that trip. And… It made me realize something else too.”

“What was that something?” Eli asked.

“I realized… I don’t think I was ever really giving myself the chance to move on in the first place,” You replied. “I mean… I don’t know if confessing to her was ever really gonna do what I wanted it to do to begin with. I think… I think maybe I didn’t even _want_ to move on for a long time, even if I thought I did. It was such a big part of me, this huge part of who I was, and it was just… Easier not to, I guess. Easier not to force myself to try to get better. Easier to think it would go away on its own, or to let myself think that I could do some single big dramatic thing like confessing to her that would solve all my problems in an instant. And looking back on it now I feel kinda stupid for ever thinking it could be that simple,” she said, laughing softly at herself. “I guess I should’ve known it would be harder than that.” You trailed off for a moment there, trying to find what to say next, and Eli seemed to sense that she was still struggling to find words. She simply let the silence remain, staying quiet until You figured out how to continue.

“I guess, my point in all of this,” she eventually said,  “is that for a long time, I thought that moving on was something that would just kinda happen to me one day, and that after that I would be able to go out and meet new people again, and fall in love with someone else, and not have to deal with feeling the way I felt anymore. And… And there’s a reason I wanted to come here and say all of this to you, specifically.”

“Yes?” Eli replied, raising an eyebrow in cautious curiosity. “What would that reason be?” You hesitated for just a moment there, taking deep breath to prepare herself before she spoke.

“Maybe I’m really overstepping my boundaries and sticking my nose into stuff that’s none of my business by saying this,” she said.  “But right now, looking at you… It kind of feels like you’re still stuck in that exact same place.”

Another silence followed, and during it You simply looked at Eli across the room, watching the other woman’s reaction. At first Eli looked shocked, caught off guard by what had just been said, and then that shock started to morph into something else. Her brow creased a little bit, the corners of her mouth turned down, and while she didn’t quite look like she was angry, she didn’t exactly look happy about what she had heard either.

“What are you trying to say?” she asked, and You felt that nagging fear again, telling her she was stepping horrendously out of line right now. But another part of her brain was telling her this was the best thing to do, not even for her own benefit, but for Eli’s. This was something Eli needed to hear, she wanted to believe. Maybe it was self important to think she needed to be the one to say it, but it was difficult to watch someone go through the same things she was going through, feel the same way she had felt. You didn’t feel like she could just turn her back to it.

“I’m saying… What are you gonna do now?” she asked. “Now that you tried going on one date, and it ended the way it did… I know it’s probably gonna feel really easy to slump back into being alone, and grieving, and feeling like you’re not ready to move on yet. I know because I’ve been there too. I tried going on dates before this, and they never really worked out, and it made it so easy for me to stop trying because I just kept thinking I still wasn’t ready yet, but-”

“But I’m clearly _not_ ready,” Eli interrupted. “I wish that I was, I wish that I _could_ be, but you saw the way I was. You saw me at my worst. I want to be ready, I really do, but I’m just _not_.”

“And I’m probably not ready to move on from Chika either,” You said. “But that’s exactly why I have to. Because I think… I think I’m past the point where taking time to figure myself out is gonna do anything. I’ve already spent years trying to figure myself out, and I could spend plenty more years doing the same thing, but I think I’ve reached the point where I just have to go out there and force myself to start moving on, no matter how tough it is. And I think… I think you’re at that same point.”

“You-chan…” Eli sighed from across the room. “You know it isn’t that simple. I can’t just go out there and _force_ myself to feel better. I wish I could,” she said. “I really do wish it could be that easy, but it’s just-”

“Then why did you say yes?” As You interrupted Eli looked surprised again, going silent for a few seconds before she tried to reply.

“I told you,” she said. “It just… Felt like a sign. Like it was something I was supposed to do. But it seems I was wrong about that, so-”

“If I thought the universe was sending me signs to jump off a bridge I still wouldn’t do it,” You interrupted again. “It could send me signs about all sorts of stuff and I would probably end up ignoring them unless it’s something I thought I really should be doing. Unless it’s something I _wanted_ to be doing.”

“Right now it just sounds like you’re trying to flatter yourself,” Eli pointed out.

“Yeah, maybe I am,” You agreed. “But that’s not really the part I’m trying to focus on. It’s not about me. It’s just about… Me believing you really do wanna get out there and try again. Even if it’s difficult. I think you really do wanna start moving on, and I don’t think it’s fair to yourself to give up as soon as things go wrong one time. I think you said yes when I asked you out for the same reason I honestly kinda rushed into asking you out in the first place. You really, really do want to start moving past this. And that’s not something that’ll happen until you finally start pushing yourself forward, even if you think you can’t.” You was getting used to the pauses in between what she said and Eli’s responses by now, and this continued on with that trend. At first Eli just sat there, and then she let out a long, slow sigh, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

“I know you’re trying to help me right now,” she said. “And I really do appreciate that. But our situations… I don’t mean to belittle what you’ve gone through, or say that it wasn’t bad, or that it didn’t hurt you. But… They’re different, You-chan. The love of my life _died._ I know that what’s happened to you has been difficult too, but it’s just not… It’s not the same thing.”

“I know that,” You replied. “I know that what you’ve been through is probably a hundred times worse than anything I can imagine. I can’t even wrap my head around what it would be like to lose someone like that, and I can’t pretend to know what you’ve dealt with. But… I think some of it is still the same,” she insisted. “Trying to move past a heartbreak, trying to open yourself back up again… Maybe I don’t understand you as well as I think I do. But right now I feel like you understand me better than just about anyone I’ve ever known. And I guess… I’d really like to think that goes both ways.” Another pause followed that, but this time You kept speaking before Eli had the chance to respond. “I know that it’s never gonna be easy to move past this kind of thing,” she went on. “I know it’s gonna be stupid, and complicated, and messy. I know there’s gonna be a lot of shit to work through. I know it’s gonna be difficult. But… I also know I’ll never start moving past this until I force myself to get out there and try again. And if I have to do that… I think it would be a lot easier to do it with someone who understands what I’m going through.”

“Then… What are you asking me right now…?” Eli said.

“I guess I’m just asking if, maybe… You want to give this all another try,” You said.

“The first time we tried this…” Eli replied. “It ended with me crying in a bathroom. After something like that, you would really want to go out with me again?”

“Yeah. I would,” You said. “I can’t promise a second date won’t end the same way. Or that I won’t be the one crying in the bathroom this time around. But if I have to end up crying in a bathroom one way or another… I’d rather it was with someone who understands why I’m crying in the first place. Don’t you feel the same?”

“I… I suppose I do, in that regard,” Eli said, though her tone remained uncertain. “But… I still really don’t know if I’m ready for something like this, You-chan.”

“Yeah. I don’t either,” You admitted. “But I think there’s only way to find out. I can’t promise this isn’t gonna turn out to be a mistake. And I know that even if it does work out it’s still gonna be really, really difficult. I know we both have a lot of shit to work through, and that’s probably gonna get in the way a lot, and I know we’ll both be struggling every step of the way. But… I think that sooner or later we’ll both end up going through that struggle no matter what we do right now. And if I have to go through it anyway, I’d rather at least get to go through it with someone else who will understand it. I’d really like to give this another try if you would.”

The pause that followed You saying that felt like an eternity. It was like everything around her had frozen, and she found herself staring at Eli from across the room, probably more intently than she meant to, looking for any little indication of how that had gone over. Eli’s expression, as it so often did, remained unreadable, and that only increased You’s anxiety even more. Part of her felt like she should have backed off of this a long time ago, like even coming here in the first place had been a mistake, and she wouldn’t have been at all surprised if Eli had decided, at that moment, that she never wanted to see You again. She didn’t want to think it would be that bad, but her mind was running away with all of the worst possible scenarios regardless of how hard she tried to rein it back in.

Despite how much doubt she was putting in her own head at the moment, though, You really did stand by everything she had said. She believed this was what would be best, not only for herself, but for Eli as well. She believed the two of them had been given some sort of unique, special opportunity in meeting each other, and she didn’t know whether it was destiny or just a simple coincidence, but she felt like she couldn’t let it slip through her fingers either way. She needed to say what she had said. And now she was prepared to deal with those consequences, no matter what they were.

“If I were to say yes, and agree to another date…” Eli finally replied, “What would you have in mind? Where would we go? What would we do?” You had to admit, she really hadn’t thought that far ahead. She had figured simply getting Eli to agree to this at all would be a challenge on its own (which it had been), and she really didn’t think she would be left trying to suddenly figure out the details of their next date right then and there. As she tried to think it over she thought of some grand dramatic gesture, something to prove to Eli how serious she was about wanting to try this again, to erase any doubt in Eli’s mind that this might have been a mistake. She thought of a dinner that was even nicer than the one they had gone to before, at a fancy restaurant she absolutely couldn’t afford, where they would actually have to get dressed up to be let through the front door. A walk through the park sprung to mind, or a carriage ride, or something else that felt like it was ripped straight from the pages of a storybook. But as she thought about that now, she was suddenly starting to realize none of those ideas felt right anymore. The fanfare, the romanticism, the splendor, it just didn’t seem appropriate. And then, as her eyes started to move around Eli’s apartment, an idea came to mind that felt far more suited to their situation.

“What if we just stay in?” she asked. “Right here, right now. Put on a movie, order some food, and just… See how it feels? Nothing big. No pressure. We can go at our own pace, and we can see what’s comfortable. And if it goes well, then… We can just keep figuring it out from there.” You knew it was a strange suggestion, one that almost might have felt anticlimactic after everything she had said to convince Eli in the first place, but she really did feel like it was the right choice. And, if the faint hint of a smile she saw tugging at the corners of Eli’s mouth was any indication, it seemed like Eli agreed.

“Staying in and watching a movie might be one of the simplest second dates I’ve ever heard of,” she said. “Don’t you have work in the morning?”

“So I’ll be a little tired tomorrow,” You replied, shrugging her shoulders dismissively. “If I’ve been to work hungover I can handle going to work tired.” That actually earned a small laugh from Eli, and You took that as a good sign. But she still seemed to have one last little bit of reservation hanging over her.

“If I agree to this right now,” Eli said, “and things don’t work out in the future…”

“Then they don’t work out,” You answered. “Like I said… I don’t know if they will. I don’t know how any of this is gonna go. But I just… Really think we both owe it to ourselves to give it a try. Even if it’s tough. Especially if it’s tough.”

“Alright,” Eli finally said, and You felt just the tiniest flutter of excitement as the other woman nodded. “Regardless of how this goes… I’m willing to give it a chance.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” You replied. She smiled at Eli from across the room, and Eli smiled back at her as You reached into her pocket, bringing out her phone. “So…” she said. “What kinda food are you in the mood for?”


	8. Chapter 8

“The food’s not here yet? How can they be stuck in traffic? The restaurant’s like ten minutes away! Ugh, no. It’s- It’s fine. If they don’t get here we can just stall, and-”

“YOU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” You heard Chika shout from down the hall. “I need your help!”

“Coming!” You shouted back, before returning to her phone. “I have to go. Can you just- Take care of this, okay? Alright. Thanks.” From there You hung up on the call, spinning around and starting to run down the hallway. Her shoes pattered against the old wooden floor until she reached a corner, sliding around it just a bit too quickly. She came to a stop right in front of a door, with a large handwritten “DO NOT ENTER” sign taped up on it. You disregarded this instruction, tossing the door open to look inside.

“My dress won’t zip up,” Chika said. She was standing there in the center of the room, in front of a full length mirror, wearing a long white dress that started above her chest and trailed all the way down the floor, stretching out for a short distance behind her. Her veil was hanging delicately from a coat hook beside her, and a bouquet of flowers was sitting on top of a chair. Her back was turned to You, but in the mirror You could see a slightly nervous expression on her best friend’s face as she looked herself over. You stood in the doorway for a moment, and then she smiled, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind her.

“I told you not to pig out so hard at the rehearsal dinner last night,” she teased. “Riko-chan and I both warned you this was gonna happen.”

“You-chaaaaaaaan!” Chika whined. “Don’t make fun of me right now! I’m stressing out!”

“Alright, alright,” You said, walking further into the room and approaching Chika. “Just stand up straight and hold still, I’m gonna get this into place for you.”

“Okay...” Chika replied, that hint of nervousness still showing through in her voice. She followed the instructions, though, standing up perfectly rigid and holding her breath.

“Ready?” You asked, coming to stand directly behind her.

“Ready,” Chika said, giving a small nod. From there You placed her hands on Chika’s back, using one to hold the two sides of the dress together while the other yanked at the zipper. She gave it a single, quick, sharp tug, and while it produced a yelp of discomfort from Chika, it also got the job done.

“See?” You said. “Easy.”

“It’s tiiiiight,” Chika whined.

“You can eat three desserts in one sitting or you can have a wedding dress that fits you perfectly, but you can’t have both.” After saying that, however, You took a moment to look Chika over in the mirror now that the dress was properly in place, and a smile crossed over her face. “You look absolutely gorgeous,” she said.

“You really think so?”

“I do. Riko-chan’s gonna drop dead when she sees you.”

“Don’t say that! You’re gonna jinx my wedding!” Chika protested, and You couldn’t help but laugh again. Despite the fact that she was quite used to seeing Chika like this, however, she could still sense that her friend was just a little bit more high strung than usual right now. Which, she supposed, made sense. It was a very important day, after all.

“Are you nervous?” You asked, putting her hand at Chika’s shoulder.

“Kinda,” Chika replied, nodding in response. “But… I’m excited, too. You remember how it always used to feel before we went out on stage? Like we were scared, and we didn’t know what was gonna happen, but we couldn’t wait for it anyway?”

“I do,” You replied. “That’s how you’re feeling right now?”

“Yeah. But like, a hundred times worse than it ever was back then. If I faint you just have to keep shaking me until I wake up, okay??”

“Okay, okay, I will,” You laughed. “But I don’t think that’s gonna happen. You and Riko-chan… You guys have something really special. I’m happy for you. You guys are gonna have an amazing life together, and today is the first day of that. Things are just gonna get better and better from here on out.”

“Thank you…” Chika said, reaching up to squeeze the hand that was sitting at her shoulder.

“Huh?” You replied. “For what?”

“For… Everything. Being my friend for this long, and always being there for me, and being here with me right now. I’m, like… Really really lucky to have someone like you around, and I dunno what I would do without you.”

“Well you’ll never have to find that out,” You promised. “You two wouldn’t be able to get rid of me even if you tried. If you guys have kids you know I’m gonna auntie the shit out of them,” she snickered. “I’ll take ‘em for the weekend and let them do all the fun stuff you don’t normally let them do.”

“Riko’s gonna be the strict parent anyway,” Chika replied. “I’ll be the cool mom.”

“Yeah,” You agreed. “I figure you probably will.” The two of them stood there for another moment, looking at themselves and each other in the mirror, Chika in her white dress and You in her blue, until You spoke again. “I should probably get back out there to make sure everything’s set for you guys. Are you gonna be okay in here?”

“I think so,” Chika replied, staring her reflection in the eyes as she nodded. “I’m still nervous, but… I’m ready.”

“Good,” You said, giving Chika’s shoulder one more little squeeze of reassurance before she pulled her hand back, turning to face the door. “In that case, I’ll see you at the altar.”

* * *

The ceremony was being held outdoors, on the edge of one of the tall hills overlooking the ocean from the outskirts of Uchiura. It was a pleasant grassy area, shaded by trees on a warm summer day, while a cool breeze was blowing in from over the water. An archway was set up closer to the edge of the hill, framing the view of the sea, and chairs were spread out in long rows, seating everyone who had gathered to witness this special day. You stood under the arch to one side, with Chika’s sisters behind her, and Yoshiko stood across from them, an officiant between them. As You looked out towards the audience she caught eyes with her beautiful plus-one: Eli was sitting there, looking positively gorgeous as ever. You smiled at her, and as Eli noticed she was being looked at she smiled back. Beside Eli was Kanan, bouncing a well-dressed baby in her lap (Kotone had already grown so much, reaching the point where she had been stumbling around on her own two legs out in the grass before the ceremony had started). In addition to acting as a seat for her daughter, Kanan was also serving as a much-needed buffer layer: Dia was on the other side of her, sitting perfectly upright, unmoving, staring dead ahead aside from the frequent, frantic sideways glances she was stealing in Eli’s direction. Ruby was clutching her hand, attempting to calm her sister, while Mari was leaning in from Ruby’s other side, twirling her fingers through her girlfriends hair. Hanamaru rounded out the row, sitting at the very end, and she seemed to be signing silent messages up towards Yoshiko as her girlfriend looked back at her.

Seeing all of the people she cared about gathered together like that made You feel happy. The rehearsal dinner the night before had been the first time in years (since Kanan and Dia’s wedding, specifically) all nine of them had managed to get together in the same place at the same time. Ruby and Mari were nearly passing out, having just landed after a long series of flights back from Aruba, and Kanan and Dia had spent a good portion of the night running around trying to keep Kotone from crashing into any waiters with her newfound mobility, but it had been an incredible night all the same. Good food, drinks, stories, uproarious laughter, and a lot of catching up that was long overdue. Their group had split in half for two different bachelorette parties after that, but even after they had been separated You had still kept in contact with the other group, mainly through Riko’s constant text reminders that Chika’s party was to remain a stripper-free environment.

Now, standing underneath the arch in front of all those same friends, You heard music begin to play, and her head twisted to look down towards the end of the aisle. Chika and Riko both emerged, standing side by side, each of them holding a bouquet to their chest as their beautiful white dresses stretched out along the grass behind them. _Those are about to get stained to all hell,_ You thought, and then she found herself laughing ever so quietly, an enormous smile stretching over her face, faint tears welling up in her eyes as she realized just how positively fucking _happy_ she was for her two best friends.

Chika and Riko made their way down the aisle, walking slowly in time to the music, passing by their gathered family and friends until they finally reached the archway where You and the rest of the two bridal parties were waiting for them. Riko turned to hand her bouquet to Yoshiko, and Chika handed hers to You, before the two brides faced each other once again.

From there it was speeches, words, a selection of readings each of them had chosen. Next came vows, their professions of how much they truly loved each other, their promises for the future they would share together. Then the exchanging of rings, sliding them carefully onto each other’s fingers. And, finally, the climactic moment everyone always anticipated at ceremonies like these.

“Do you, Chika Takami,” the officiant said, “take Riko Sakurauchi to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Chika was holding both of Riko’s hands firmly, staring straight at her. From where she was standing You couldn’t see her best friend’s face, but based simply off body language and the faint tremble she could pick up on, she could tell that Chika was still nervous. But standing here in front of everyone she had ever known, professing her love to the woman she intended to spend her life with, how could she not be? It was normal for her to be nervous. Fortunately, Chika had never been the sort of person who would let nerves stop her. And this proved to be no exception.

“I do,” she said.

“And do you, Riko Sakurauchi, take Chika Takami to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the officiant asked. Riko had been staring back at Chika, but before she gave her answer there was just the slightest pause as her eyes broke away. They instead turned to You, meeting her gaze over Chika’s shoulder. It was a silent moment, not a word and barely even a look exchanged between them, but You understood everything it was meant to signify anyway. A smile stretched over her lips, and upon seeing that Riko smiled as well, before turning her eyes back to Chika and giving her answer.

“I do.”

“Then, by the power invested me,” the officiant said, “I now declare you wed. You may both now kiss the bride.” And they did.

* * *

The reception was taking place at a venue near the base of the hill, a large event hall with plenty of room for tables and a dance floor, with a nice lawn outside as well. During the leadup to the ceremony You had spent so much time running around making sure everything was perfectly organized that she’d barely had a moment to spend with anyone who wasn’t an organist or an officiant, and even now she was still frantically checking her phone trying to make sure the caterers had arrived and gotten properly set up and the DJ wasn’t having any technical issues. In the midst of it all, though, she had at least gotten to run up alongside Eli again, and now the two of them were walking hand in hand as they followed the rest of the group down the hill and towards the reception.

“I really think you can stop stressing about this so much now,” Eli said. “The wedding’s gone off without a hitch so far.”

“It’s only been so perfect _because_ I’ve been stressing,” You replied. “Being a maid of honor is a lot of responsibility, you know!”

“Tsushima-san is a maid of honor too, isn’t she? She can handle some of this responsibility herself as well.” Upon hearing that You simply gave Eli a look, and Eli laughed softly. “Fair enough.”

As they reached the bottom of the hill the hall where the reception was being held came into view, and people started to file inside. You was prepared to keep walking, though as she took another step forward she felt Eli tugging against her hand, pulling her backwards a bit. She stumbled slightly, before looking back over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

“Everything alright?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Eli replied. “I just… Wanted a moment alone with you, before we go in there, I suppose. I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to you since we got here.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I’ve been so busy,” You sighed. “I feel sorta bad inviting you here and then throwing you in the deep end by yourself.”

“That’s alright,” Eli said, stepping closer to You and slipping her arms around her waist as You turned to face her more fully. “Your friends have been lovely, and they’ve made sure I haven’t been alone. But that’s not really what I’m concerned about anyway. I’m more just worried about… How you’re doing.”

“I’m doing alright,” You promised, though all that earned her was a skeptical look from her girlfriend. “Really,” she laughed, reaching up to place her hands at Eli’s shoulders as the two of them found themselves alone outside.

“If you’re sure,” Eli replied. “I suppose I’m just… Worried this day might have been difficult for you.”

“Well… Maybe it was, a little bit,” You replied. “And maybe it’s always gonna be that way, a little bit. But I really am doing okay,” she said. “I’m really, really happy for them. And I’m really happy to be here with you. I love you.” A smile appeared on Eli’s face when she heard that, and she gave a small nod of agreement.

“I love you too,” she replied. From there she leaned down, and You lifted herself up on the balls of her feet just a bit, allowing their lips to meet in a soft, delicate kiss. They held it for just a moment before breaking away, and suddenly Eli’s gentle smile had turned into something slightly more devious.

“I guess we should probably get you inside,” she said. “They’ll be expecting you to give a speech soon, won’t they?”

“Ugh,” You groaned, slumping down into her girlfriend’s arms. “Don’t remind me.”

* * *

“If you eat this much you’re not gonna be able to move again!”

“Then you’ll just have to roll me home, zura.” The reception hall was filled with people, spread out across several large tables, while quiet music filled the air and made for a nice ambiance. It would surely get turned up louder once the dancing started, but for the time being people were still eating, and the music was still being used as nothing more than a simple background. The nine of them were all gathered around one table- nine including Kotone and Eli, rather than Chika and Riko, since as the brides they had a special table of their own at the head of the room. Dia had taken over baby duties at this point, and now had Kotone in her lap while trying to feed her carefully cut up little bites of food. The dining was buffet style, which meant Hanamaru had served herself up a plate that was as tall as a mountain, while Yoshiko gave her the standard amount of grief for it. Kanan sat on one side of Mari, and Ruby on the other, while Eli and You sat next to each other as well.

“We’re only back for a few days before I have to go jetting off to France for another business meeting,” Mari was saying from across the table, filling the others in on all the trips and travels she had shared with Ruby over the past few months. “Those intercontinental flights are absolutely _dreadful_. I don’t know what I would do without you there to keep me company, dear,” she hummed, reaching out to ruffle Ruby’s hair. Ruby giggled softly, squirming away from the touch.

“Maybe if I wasn’t there distracting you then you’d actually get some of your work done,” she teased back. “Do you even know what this meeting is about, Mari-chan?”

“I’ll read the memos during the flight!”

“That’s what you always say!”

“Who knew your own sister would betray you like this?” Kanan asked, grinning as she leaned up against her wife. “You spend your whole life trying to rein Mari back in and make her behave and Ruby-chan just enables her more, huh?”

“Mari is the one who corrupted her,” Dia replied, still feeding Kotone tiny cut up pieces of food while she spoke. “Don’t blame Ruby for this. She was always a good girl until that _she witch_ came along and tempted her.”

“That’s not a nice way to talk about your future sister in law, Dia!” Mari called out, causing Dia’s eyebrow to twitch, Ruby’s face to light up bright red, and Kanan to laugh uproariously. As she sat back up straight, though, Kanan’s eyes fell to Eli, who had been largely silent so far, and a slightly less devious, more sincere smile appeared on her face.

“Hey, Eli-san,” she called across the table. “You grew up in Europe, didn’t you?”

“Hm? That’s right,” Eli replied. “My grandmother was Russian. We lived there for a good portion of my childhood.”

“You ever go back there?” Kanan asked.

“Not recently,” Eli chuckled. “It’s been years since the last time I visited.”

“Well if Ruby-chan and I ever find ourselves headed out that way we’ll make sure to bring you along!” Mari promised, in a tone of voice that almost didn’t sound like she was giving them an option. “ _The more the merrier!_ ”

“We’ll definitely-” consider it, was how You had intended to end that sentence. However, before she had the chance, she was interrupted by another rather excited voice calling out towards her.

“Hey you guys!” it shouted, and simultaneously everyone turned to see the newlyweds running towards their table, Chika leading the charge while pulling Riko along behind her. The moment You saw that she was bailing on the conversation and jumping up out of her seat, throwing herself towards Chika at full force. The two of them collided with, perhaps, just a little bit too much impact as their arms wrapped around each other, an enormous grin spreading over You’s face.

“Chika-chan!” she shouted.

“You-chan!” Chika replied.

“You did it!”

“I did it!”

“You’re married!”

“I’m married!”

“Congratulations!” At that point You finally pulled back enough that she could look at Chika eye to eye, still positively beaming, and Chika was smiling about as widely as You had ever seen as well. “How does it feel?” she asked.

“Kinda weird?” Chika replied. “I mean, I dunno if it’s totally set in yet! We’re still so busy running around thanking relatives and cutting cake and everything that my brain still hasn’t been like ‘Holy crap! You just got married!’ But it’ll probably hit me soon!” she said, before giving a shifty look in either direction, dropping her voice down to a conspiratorial tone, and leaning in closer to You. “Besides, they say the best part of the whole thing is the wedding night se-”

“Ahem,” Riko interrupted, suddenly looming over Chika’s shoulder. “What are you two talking about over here?”

“N-Nothing!” Chika replied, bolting back upright. “I was just- I was thanking You-chan for all her maid of honor duties! Yup! You sure did a great job with everything You-chan!” Riko was clearly suspicious of that, but after giving Chika a skeptical look she turned her attention back to You, and her expression softened.

“Well, I should thank you as well,” she said. “Thank you, You-chan.” And then, turning her attention over to Eli, who was still seated beside where You was standing, “And thank you for coming, Ayase-san. It’s a pleasure to have you here.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here,” Eli replied. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Our friends haven’t been giving you too much trouble, I hope?” Riko asked, and while she gestured towards the table as a whole, her eyes very clearly fell on Dia as she said that. Dia went rigid, before hastily looking back down at Kotone and pretending she hadn’t noticed anything. Fortunately, Eli was simply laughing.

“Not at all,” she said. “They’ve been absolutely wonderful, and it’s been lovely getting to meet everyone You-chan has told me so much about.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Riko said, before Chika bumped up beside her again.

“We’re gonna go have our first dance soon, but you guys are all gonna come up and join us after that, right?” she asked, voice carrying a tremendous amount of enthusiasm. “You’ve gotta come up and dance! If nobody dances our wedding is gonna look totally lame!” At that point deep, sinister laughter broke out from beside her, and heads turned to see Yoshiko sitting there with her arms crossed, fingers touched against the side of her face.

“Dancing, you say?” she chuckled, voice lower now. “An unsuspecting dance floor sounds like the perfect place for the fallen angle to make her grand- Oww!” She was interrupted by a swift chop to the back of the head from a very irritated looking Riko, who was now looming over her.

“What was the _one_ condition for being my maid of honor?” she asked.

“No fallen angel stuff…” Yoshiko whined back, doubling over on the table as Hanamaru leaned in to inspect her injury.

“Good.” Dusting off her chopping hand Riko then walked back over towards her new wife, extending a hand out towards her. “Shall we?” she asked.

“Yeah!” Chika replied, taking it and looking back at the rest of the table. “We’ll see you guys up there!”

“Congrats again!” You called out, and as she did so Riko looked towards her. The two of them locked eyes, and though Chika had already turned her attention elsewhere, they maintained that for a brief moment.

“Thank you, You-chan,” Riko said, voice a little quieter now that she wasn’t projecting out to the whole table. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah. I’m glad too,” You replied. She smiled, and Riko smiled back at her. And then the blushing bride was being dragged off towards the DJ booth by Chika, and You stood there watching her two best friends in the entire world go running across the floor, hand in hand, laughing between themselves as they went. And she was glad they had found each other. Even if it was a little bit hard, even if there was that faint twitching in her feet that wanted to run out after them, she was happy. She had a vague sense, for the first time in her life, that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. She wasn’t missing out by standing on these sidelines, by watching all her friends run on ahead without her, because soon enough she would get her own turn too. She wouldn’t be left behind for long.

“Are you alright?” You was snapped away from her thoughts by the sound of Eli’s voice, and by the feeling of a hand brushing against her own. Her eyes lingered for another moment as Chika and Riko reached the DJ booth and began to talk to the person manning it, and then they turned back down towards her girlfriend, and a smile appeared on her lips.

“Yeah,” You replied, lacing her fingers in with Eli’s as she sat back down in her seat, beside her girlfriend. “I’m alright. This really is a nice wedding, huh?”

“It is,” Eli agreed. “And the weather was absolutely gorgeous for it. They got lucky with this day.”

“Nah, nothing lucky about it,” You replied. “Those two are both so stubborn that if it looked like it was gonna rain they would reach up into the sky and push the clouds away themselves.” Eli laughed softly at that, and then You felt her leaning in closer, head resting up against her shoulder.

“Either way, I really have enjoyed this,” she murmured. “Thank you for bringing me with you.”

“Thank you for coming,” You replied, resting her head against Eli’s in turn. “I’m glad you’re here.”

As the two of them sat there the lights in the room dimmed slightly, and the DJ announced that that Chika and Riko would be taking to the floor for their first dance as a newlywed couple. You watched as the two walked out towards the center of the room and reached out to join hands. And then slow, gentle music started to play, and they began to dance, and it was beautiful. Even from where she was sitting You could tell how much they must have practiced and rehearsed, and she could see hints of their old training starting to show through, but she could sense something different as well. When dancing with Aqours they had all functioned as a unit, all able to know that the person to the left or to the right of them would do the steps and moves they were meant to do at the time they were meant to do them. But now, here, You saw something different between Chika and Riko. It wasn’t just a mechanical routine learned through practice and repetition, a static set of choreography that would be identical any time it was performed. There was a love there, a trust, an _understanding_ that guided them along, that told each of them where and how to step, that told them of their partner’s next moves before they had even happened, and that lead to an absolute spectacle on that dance floor, leaving You enthralled up until the very last step. And then, as the dance came to a close, Chika pivoted back towards the gathered crowd, and she raised her hands to cup them around her mouth.

“Thank you everyone!” she shouted out. “Now get up here and join us!” Just like that, motion started to spread out through the room as people got up from their tables, and You suddenly found herself nearly falling over as Eli pulled away, standing up from her chair.

“We gonna go dance?” You asked, thankfully managing to catch herself before she toppled completely.

“We promised we would, didn’t we?” Eli replied, looking back down at You and extending a hand out to her.

“Why do I have a feeling you just wanna show everyone else up?”

“Do you think we took all those dance lessons together to _not_ show off at the first chance presented to us?” Eli asked. “It’s not exactly a widely applicable skill to have, so I’m absolutely going to take advantage of the rare opportunities when they do come up.”

“Alright,” You said, grinning as she grabbed hold of Eli’s hand and hoisted herself up from her seat. “Let's go put some amateurs in their place.” Eli smiled when she heard that, and then lead You out onto the dance floor, to a spot that had been left open a safe distance away from everyone else. The two of them turned to face each other, assuming the posture they had been taught with their spines straight, with You’s hand around Eli’s waist, with Eli’s around You’s shoulder.

“Are you ready?” Eli asked.

“I’m ready,” You replied. And then they began to dance. And as they moved around the floor, back and forth, caught up in each other’s arms, in each other’s rhythm, You saw her friends out of the corner of her eye. She saw Yoshiko and Hanamaru, she saw Ruby and Mari, she saw Dia and Kanan and Kotone, she saw Chika and Riko in their beautiful white dresses. And this time, they were the ones watching from those sidelines. This time, as You held her arm around Eli’s waist, and looked her girlfriend in the eyes, and followed her across the floor, this time it was her turn to go stepping into her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! I know I've said this a ton in comments, but I want to give another massive thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read this fic and give their feedback or show their support. I could honestly ramble about this story and what it meant to write it for entirely too long, but I'll try to keep it brief. When I started writing this it just came from the very simple concept of Muse/Aqours ships being tragically underrated, and I went with Eli and You because they seemed like a pairing that could have some good chemistry. I absolutely didn't expect this story to become what it did when I started it, and I think it really took on a life of its own somewhere along the way. I ended up exploring a lot of ideas that are really personal to my own experiences and the place I'm at in my life right now, especially when it comes to ideas centered around reaching adulthood and all the weirdness that comes with it. I poured a lot of myself into this fic, sometimes in ways I didn't even realize until after the fact, and putting yourself out there to such a degree is always a little bit scary, so it was unbelievably amazing to see comments from people who said they could relate to the concepts being expressed here. Even though I didn't realize it at the beginning, I think this was a story I really needed to write, and I'm so incredibly thankful there were people who were willing to read it.
> 
> Moving forward, I still have plenty of other ideas bouncing around in my head for fics I want to write (including some thoughts about a series of Christmas fics similar to the daily Halloween ones I did recently), though it might be a little while before I start any of those because I'm currently MASSIVELY behind on NaNoWriMo, thanks in no small part to trying to get this finished up. If you do want to keep up with my other writing, from Love Live fics to other fandoms to original fiction, you can check me out at alex-is-a-writer.tumblr.com! One last time, an enormous thank you to everyone who read this, and I hope to see some of you again in the future!


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